Get it right the first time round.

On typical cold somewhat gloomy  winter afternoon in the North of England I found myself at a family gathering. Pleasantries are exchanged,and I heard over to the manpit where the fire is along with barbecue stand.

I look around me there is food good conversation going I am surrounded by the 7 wisemen all fairly older than myself relations of some sort and something struck me, I was the only one among them not married……..yet.Why that was significant I have no idea and perhaps its not but nonetheless the thought came to me.

This lead me to something I always wondered,what truly really made their marriages work?They all seemed fairly happy and interacted well with their respective other halves, so me being the questioning kind I thought I’d ask,and the answer I got  somehow shocked me. One of them to me plainly ” GET MARRIED TO SOMEONE YOU GET ALONG WITH AND NOT SOMEONE YOU LOVE” I stood there for a few minutes as they took it in turns churning out advice and to my surprise most of them agreed with this train of thought.

Now this got me thinking.I can attest to ever loving 2 females (I mean the real thing) and I must say the feelings were  too pure and intense I mean you now when you know in fact about 10 years went by before I could the feel that way again  even though I was seeing other people in between,so yeah I  kinda know what love feels like and what it doesn’t.

Now here is the problem,the ones that you do Love you cant get along with.Just cant seem to happen.2 hrs  and you ready to kill eachother.

And yet the ones that,that feeling is missing, it  is just effortless and can hardly remember when your last fight was, of course you do have your occasional little disagreements that’s bound to happen 2 different personalities cannot always agree on stuff,but I am sure you can make a distinctions on the levels of conflict an chaos.

Some things I disproved along the way:

Love conqures all;- no it doesnt.

Love eachother strong enough you will work it out:- no you won’t.

If you Love something let it go and if returns  …Blah blah ….please!!!do me a favour.

All you need is Love …….right right.

 

Now of course this is based purely on observation and some,(and empasis on some experience)which makes me wonder if the wisemen had a point.It was some thing to think about on the long drive down.Normally I wouldn’t take this kind of approach I always had a belief that love will happen when it does but with where I am right now I dont know,what if they were right? Its kind of hard to argue with the facts and history.Or perhaps its something only men will admit to?

I just strongly believe in getting married once,and this is just a personal view,the history I have had, of course,lets just say if I had gotten round to getting married  I would have been divorced at least once or maybe more than once but that is irrelevant its just serving a point that I realise things do go wrong and I am not knocking divorcees.Needless to say my life is a little different now values change and so do aspirations and desires,and when it comes to marriage I just want to get it right the first time around. 

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32 thoughts on “Get it right the first time round.

  1. Pingback: The wiseman,the ex and the six locks. | Limbiley's Blog

  2. Pingback: My Number one | myloveandinspirationss

  3. Love is hard, marriage is harder, but it is worth it πŸ™‚ I have had my love for someone almost destroy me, but refused to give up, taken a hard road, and saved my marriage. I would do it all again, a thousand times…because marriage, and love is worth the fight.

    • I admire that but don’t now if that’s the way I would go, don’t you ever feel like you were the one compromising seeing as it almost destroyed you?And how did you handle that?,
      Appreciate your stopping by..

      • One thing I have learned over the last year? No one ever knows what they would do until it happens. I never compromised my beliefs…I still hold the same values I have always had. I just had to decide if I could throw out twenty years of marriage, 4 kids, and my best friend because he made horrible choices. I have struggled with being viewed as a weak “stand by your man” woman, but I know in my heart this has made me stronger, and a better person. I hate who he was but love the man who has gone through Hell to make right the wrong he did, and never stopped fighting to save his family.

      • Now you put it like that it changes everything,at least your other half got the memo and I give him credit for that,it is easy for people to judge a man for his mistakes but I say judge a man for what he does after the mistake is made.

        I do not disagree with fighting for what’s precious to you,as far as people viewing you as weak I wouldn’t worry about that,you know who you are and compromised nothing only decided to give things a chance and it all worked in the end.

        I love a happy ending.

  4. So True Limbiley, fleshy wordly love does not conquer all, only God’s Love does.

    I have never seen a Marriage end for any reason where the Wife is Loved and cherished as Christ Loves the Church and her Husband considers her needs first and appreciates her as his Helpmate physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Or have I seen it end when a wife Loves and willingly submits to her Husband respecting his role as Spiritual Leader and so having the final decision in all matters of importance in the Spiritual welfare of the family and when both honour their marriage vows to remain committed through the good and bad, to keep the marriage bed pure, both physically and in their thoughts, to not withhold physical contact, to always consider each other as people of worth and to forgive continually and not focus on weaknesses and shortcomings but each others strengths.

    Can we do all these things in the flesh, No it must be put to death and to find each other we need to find Jesus first, only He can empower us to live the Christian Life and so have a good Marriage too.

    Christian Love from both of us – Anne.

    • Hello and nice to see you again.

      You make a very important point and in fact by far the truest.Its all selfishness and everyone is self serving.People get into relationships/marriages with the point of giving and seeing what they can get back.

      A points based system where I did this for you and you should do thta for me.

      Its when one feels like they are giving it thier all and getting nothing in return then they give up,sadly in most cases this is based on selfish needs from the party giving up.

      Now granted there are those out there that just take ang give nothing back in these cases it is justified.

      Suppose this is where you need two people who have a commom understanding in christ,are reading from the same manual and practise what is being taught being rooted in love eleminating all selfishness and self serving.It is pointless otherwise when the other half didnt get the memo.

      • Yes Limbiley it is about giving but also receiving, God tells us to put others first and we will if we walk in the Spirit not the flesh but we should not have to prove ourselves to earn Trust from others, some seek to do this or they play games to see how far they can go and than they wonder why others get upset.

        True Love always considers what good they can do for others. They also Trust because their Trust is in God first to work everything out for good and when both do this, then there is no conflict.

        Blessngs – Anne

  5. I agree with marrying someone you get along with, it plays an important role. However, love is a very powerful force and yes it can literally stand the test of time. Thanks for sharing your conversation:) xx

    • I always value your words,as far as standing the test of time I have yet to prove that theory,suppose in Love thats between family,friends is a little different from the romantic kind.The latter being most complicated.

      • I have put all the instructions on my post, just follow them in terms of thanking and forwarding etc. the actual awards, just copy and paste as well as some of the information. It takes time to do it, no lie, but its all up to you:) you have to read, respond, copy, paste, etc,..Do it in your own time naturally dont pressure yourself with it. Good Luck anyway and well done because I think you blog posts deserve it!

  6. Love this. And noted “one” out of seven offered that advice. That means six didn’t. Agreeing is not the same. And on another day and another time? Who knows what the offering and consensus would be. Keep pondering. After thirty years we still do.

  7. Don’t sweat it. Lots of dudes make a decision before choosing a mate. One of those sad decisions is based on whether the female is determined to be a unquestioning homebody. IE play the obedient one who will tolerate a philandering husband. My point is, you never know the true makeup of a situation. What is real, what isn’t. The grass is always greener. This gives us a sense of there always being some better thing thing beyond the horizon. Don’t knock your self out. Take it in stride. Romance and lasting relationships produce narrow minds. The thing truly that makes the man is the trials. The trials give you the edge you need. They prepare you for the Spiritual. Paul explained why the unmarried are more disposed to Spiritual things.
    Sincerely; Your bro MAO

    • Thanks MAO,I appreciate your insight,you see if we are rooted and booted in love one wouldn’t want or need a proverbial carpet for a mate,the more she stands up for herself the better but we also needs to know what to stand up for and not just stand up for the sake of it.I think you make a good point when spiritually you need to stand alone an sort through certain things on your own.To the part of grass being greener that where the confusion sets in,
      Does this then means we need to settle for less than?
      Question remains.

      • I recommend, though your would be wise not to view me as the last word, that you just follow the natural course of things. First of all by natural I mean carnal. You will find in the end if God has been you companion throughout it, that love is not in the picture. It is all romance instead. God is love and what takes place between men and women is not love. It takes office assumed to show the love of God through us, That office is assumed through breaking not through presumption. That’s why I think you should take the plunge. Romance will avail you of breaking that the love of God might be manifested through you.It is wisdom we dispense, not only in our hearts but for others as a result of our breaking. People believe what they have is love. All of our righteousness is as filthy rags. The Christian sometimes lives in a inviolate illusion which he safeguards. Romance is all ego. Building and protecting a illusion. It is unavoidable because it is ingrained in us to fall in “love”. Emphasize the quotation marks. Listen to this; We fall in love IE: The whole stage drama of romance is ingrained in us because we were (at the Fall) in Adam unable to register the emotional impact of the fall. So it is that the drama of “love” we cannot sidestep, because it gives us a stage enactment that makes us “feel”. If we are able to put it into perspective (its correct place) we can head to the Spiritual ground. That why I say get involved, do it, learn from it. I knew this woman who used to say to me; “Mike, don’t you think that God wants more (a mate) for us (Christians) than just Jesus.” Our compunction to fall in love is like a prison cell, like a death wish, because we need to get away from the true facts of the fall. We need to possess our own grandeur, our own story separating us from the true facts of what occurred between us and God. Best wishes. MAO.

      • MAO thats deep man trully digesting and breaking it down,eclesiastically and theologically and poetic.But even you cant the deny the feeling that is “love” when it hits its like a desease you cant just get rid of.

        But what I wanna know is should it be someone you get along with or someone you love?and pls dont say “both”

      • I recommend start as friends, because then you will have the task of getting past that (friendship), which will make it more meaningful. You will find that once you do the “thing” (carnal) you have feelings linger (emotions, affection) which would be the same as “one you love”. It makes for a more tumultuous relationship which is just another mask for true love. I know you are still stuck on a scratched record like a needle dreaming that what takes place between men and women is love (true love) I don’t blame you (no disrespect meant by this Limb). It gets like that, loneliness and all! The last relationship I was in taught me an incredible amount of wisdom. I’ve never experienced so much drama and emotion. It started out as a friendship. While you undergo it take note that there will be a truth deep within you which will be (it will seem) so jealous of this emotion you both share, that It will demand more drama (tumult) because it (the gnawing reality within) knows it is a fraud perpetrated so the extra tumult will provide a better cover than the peace and quiet. Drama will dictate the norm for the life expectancy of the relationship. The guy who said, “Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.” wasn’t kidding, because without the experience our eyes might not be open to truth. Carry on; sincerely, MAO

      • It’s funny one of the wiseman said the exact same thing only you ve phrased it differently,that to me is amazing.

        I guess am at a point where I need to know what to follow either marry for Love and get divorced down the line or marry a “friend” and stay married for a lifetime.now considering my topic I just want to do it once guess it’s got to be the friend option.

      • Try it with a friend, even if you lose, you can’t lose completely. You will grow from the experience. Even more than if you wait for an attraction. Try it with a worked on friendship. Share literature and films with a female friend. Watch the bond grow. One day the scales will be removed from your eyes and you will awake to attraction. It will be like a gift.

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