THEY SAY A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS
Please observe the images below as a man regardless of his status in the world talks to another woman a little too much while the other half is present.
Yes,yes she gets “the look” (middle picture) and the man changes seats.
I find it very interesting that regardless of who we are in the world,we all are faced with similar issues and if any men are out there you know once that she has “that look” oh!! you better change seats and shut your mouth and even though you live in the white house soon as you get home you in the dog house.
On a my last post I had great insights that raised more questions that it answered but nonetheless a few were answered and revelation was brought.
ITS NOT ABOUT YOU ALL YOU CAN IS LOVE.ITS NOT ABOUT YOU BUT ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON.ITS NOT ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN GET OUT OF IT BUT RATHER WHAT YOU CAN PUT INTO IT.
Now all these are noble statements ones that I have churned myself and heard and admired.Nobility,.. yes,yes to be noble.
Then further into my quest in the cyberworld I came across this:
“WHEN SOMEONE MAKES YOU SUFFER IT IS BECAUSE THEY TOO SUFFER DEEPLY WITHIN THEMSELVES AND THEIR SUFFERING IS SPILLING OVER.THEY DO NOT NEED PUNISHING,THEY NEED HELP THIS IS THE MESSAGE THEY ARE SENDING”
Now here, if I am in this situation this then puts me in a position open to abuse and toxicity,for I cannot truly stand in this commotion and not be scaved somehow.Sooner or later I will get marked and my attempts to diffuse the negativity with positivity are more likely to be taken advantage of and mistaken for stupidity and weakness birthing the results of more sufferings on my part,consequently the message I am trying to send has been lost in translation and misconstrued completely.
Funny how easily this happens I am sure most of us have been guilty of this countless times.
I then realise the primary source of our confusion is we send the message hoping the other half will understand and extrapolate the contents of the message there sent and though it may not be in written form,the fact that we have a bond and a relationship it is then a form of communication that by any rights is legally,emotionally, verbally and gesticulatory binding, yes, yes, hence a memo of sorts.
Now what do you do then when the other half doesn’t get the memo?
For years you have been pouring out, giving your all,sacrificing,being there, supporting,understanding and now you are tired,the easy is answer is hang in there but you are tired of hanging in and on,sick and tired of being sick and tired.And your problems got problems of their own.I am hoping a wiser person will come to the rescue here,(not to me personally BTW its all good ATM 😉 of course status of such is subjected to change after this post lol, hope not).
But in all seriousness I wish I could find the answer to this doomer of relationships.
The answer right now is I DONT KNOW hence the question:
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN THE OTHER HALF DOESN’T GET THE MEMO?
Inspired by the following lovely bloggers in our interactions:
dietrying999.wordpress.com This lady reminds me so much of my elder sister its shocking, inspiring lady.
ecc714.wordpress.com My main man MAO poet at heart God loving warrior.
freedomborn.wordpress.com Lovely&Strong and wise Christian couple from down under Aussie.
justmebeingcurious.com Newcastle supporter but we wont hold that against you.
askinsaneelaine.com Inspiring blog full of life
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The answer is DO NOT fall in love with a woman, unless she is a “dyed in the wool” Christian. She is the only woman trained in all aspects of Christain love, including not playing games with your emotions.
oh no! don’t say that,
but love isn’t really a choice one can’t help who they fall for,and its not ones fault if they have feelings for an extremely unreasonable “person”(and I am being kind here, other words spring to mind).
And its not everyday one runs into these rare creatures that are “dyed in the wool”.
Keep looking, she’s out there. Remember, your entire life’s happiness, or unhappiness, depends on your choice of a spouse. Hint- you’ll never find her in a bar and you may find her in church.
lol- thanks the hint helps.How about meeting her at grand central station?
I just wish it were simpler,all it takes is basic understanding of eachother,compromise on both ends,respect,kindness,mutual respect,sacrificing for eachother,honouring eachother.
Come to think of that’s a lot isn’t it?and I could go on and on
It is simple. What you describe are all tenets of Chritianity. They are basic elements of Christ’s teachings. Grand Central is better than a bar. Remember, the good guys get the good girls. You reep what you sow.
Oh my! This could take a while..
By sowing good to reap good,does that mean your treatment of the other person or the place you are meant to look?
I only wonder cause I heard horror stories of good guys/girls who met devils in the church and bad guys/girls who met angels in the bar.
What was an angel doing in the bar? I have no idea,guarding a lost soul perhaps.
The more I think about this the more I get confused.
Thank you for stopping by my blog and even following – I feel honoured. I love the deep, either questioning or insightful quality of your writing! Concerning this post: I think sometimes it is really only about communication – “the message gets lost in translation” as you put it – so true!
Have you ever come across Marshall Rosenberg´s work on “Nonviolent Communication”? It is amazing, for this approach does not ask you to be endlessly selfless or give up all your personal needs to be in a loving relationship. It builds on the faith that people really want to be good to each other and gives you the tools to explain yourself in a clear and simple way that the person in front of you can take in and that engages them.
I´m not even very good at it, but knowing about it and considering Rosenberg´s approach really made a change in my relationship to my beloved – I know now that he´s actually totally on my side, and when things get awkward we can sort them out by talking :O)
I love to follow well presented blogs such as yours,
Rosenberg, never heard of him till today but I will definitely check it out,another thing I love about blogging always learning something new from sources otherwise inaccessible.
Thanks for stopping by and I am glad you found at least one thing insightful.
You are one that at least knows the meaning of compromise and knows the value of working together,too often conflict arises out of selfishness and self-centred tendencies.
If only some people realised these what a world it would be.
Thank you Limbiley for the mention and kind words, sorry for the delay in getting back to you but I had an accident and have a pinched nerve, I’m not Happy Clappy about the pain but I thank God for pain relief medication and His Balm.
Hurt people, hurt people and themselves, yes we are to forgive and Love them, if we don’t it hurts us but we don’t have to like the hurtful and evil things they do and say, Jesus didn’t and told them so but qualified it with Love. He also didn’t stay around, the Scriptures tell us He sees sinners from afar, like with the Father of the Prodigal son, He waits till we come to our senses and after we repent, welcomes us back with open arms.
But in Marriage we are to stay, unless there is physical danger but if they walk away , we are no longer bound.
For a man and a woman to find each other they have to find Jesus first only in Him can there be full Unity, it comes from The Spirit not the flesh.
Thanks again Limbiley as I have said about you before, I very much respect your Honesty.
Christmas Love from us both- Anne
Sorry to hear about your accident and I am glad you are okay,Glory to god for protecting you.
You make a very good point “a man and a woman must first find Jesus by themselves before they get together or afterwards I guess it doesn’t really matter in what order as long as they have an understanding of the love and sacrifice.To be able to love and give to eachother following the blueprint that Jesus left.
Imagine being loved in this way by your other half and you loving them in such a manner.There would be no conflicts,no breakups,no petty fights,and misunderstandings would be resolved in love,and mistakes would be pointed out in love not in anger or in an accusatory tone.And the physical abuse would not even exist.The worst pain is being hit/pushed around by someone that’s suppose to protect you not the physical pain itself I mean how you gonna harm someone you love?.
Jealousy,rage,tantrums,deception,selfishness,self-serving,All fruits of the devil disappear when you have the love of Jesus in you.
If anyone can figure out any other way I am open to hearing them out,in the meantime this is the solution.Trick now becomes finding someone like that for both men and women.
Thanks again for your input you are making things clearer to me as I go along.
Get well soon.Jehovah Rophi descend upon you,
I regret that I do not agree with many of the responses posted here.
Yes, hurt people hurt people. Too many in the Christian realm take that to mean that we are obligated to tolerate their hurtful treatment.
Relationship is mutual and reciprocal, or it is not relationship at all. Yes, we reap what we sow. So, why don’t we allow abusers to reap what they sow? No, too often we enable and protect them from the natural consequences of their sin. That is wrong. Furthermore, verbal or emotional abuse is just as harmful as being physically abused. It is preposterous that believers continue to teach something so patently unjust and backward and unbiblical.
I could go on, but I won’t.
If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen. I John 4:20.
Marriage is sacred and should upheld as so in every respect. Accommodating abuse in marriage is an atrocity. The church may condone it, but the Scriptures do not.
“Shall we defend the office of marriage, while neglecting the sanctity of it?”
After reading your Blog I commend you for your courage and doing what you did and walk away.I too have had similar views that if someone is mistreating you in anyway you are well within your rights to leave,thats just my opinion.
When you mix scripture it gets rather complicated.
I would love to read your book on divorce as soon as I get a chance looks to be a very interesting read.
Great photo. Great content. Keep writing, I’ve followed your blog. Thank you for your support as well. Keep Chasing your 23.
Always.Thanks for stopping by much appriciated.
I try to love my enemies…but I have a hard time with politicians! Even people like Rob Ford in Toronto make me sad, soured on “elected officials!”
However, God has said we must respect them, (those who do try to do a good job.) It’s harder and harder to find those types, however!
Thanks for visiting my new site. Make the day good in some way…
Love them unconditionally and wait for Gid’s discipline.
Thats one way to handle it I supppose.
Tell me another way if they will not listen.
Bob, I don’t know,I am hoping someone does out here does.
I just wish there was a way to “bridge the gap” sort of,the trouble is often lack of understanding and not lack of communication itself.
Granted some people are just impossible to deal with.There is always one.
As a Newcastle supporter I thank you for the free publicity – they need it!! 🙂 And what started as a fun post drew me in to its depth. So thank you again. I had to re-read it three times! On reflection one word sprang forwards: jurisdiction. Mine, yours, others. When the other half doesn’t get the memo, consider jurisdiction. Who has “the right” here?
Again I always appreciate your insight thats what provoked this particular post,but its always fun and exciting exchanging words of wisdom with you and by that I mean me getting the wisdom and you getting my questions,maybe because you are the closest geographically or could be something else,in any case keep the wisdom coming.
What a post! Amazing. Thanks for the follow. 🙂
Well worth it. Thank you for stopping by.
I will try to make this comment as brief as possible;
First: Only you know my true position concerning the romantic relationship so I won’t (hopefully) voice my stand there. Well now, as to the “Not about you…. but the other person….” Well point is all that is poetic and idealistic but the romantic relationship cannot abide one gardener and not both presiding in that capacity. So there is no guarantee of the mutual thing. The noble concept is dead in the water considering what we have to work with, even for the saved individual, our sin nature. The role of the martyr in the romantic relationship can be the role of one who is under Satanic Bondage, IE in need of further deliverance from His beloved Savior. Which then makes the perpetuation of a martyr that of a separate altar of worship. This type of individual is looking to save themselves by self sacrifice. Although there are religions which favor this, such a practice is anti God.
Anyone who goes into a romantic relationship thinking to rescue the other partner is wanting to wear too many offices and too many hats. Psychoanalyst, Doctor, etc.
The Satanic Bondage I described somewhere above suffices for the scathed by toxic relationship part.
The main part is “message sent memo not received”
As to the above, well, it requires too much presumption. You see there is nothing binding where such idealism is concerned. Point of fact is: when two people are joined in a romantic relationship, well, sadly, they bring two different value systems into the relationship. This accounts for all the memos not being understood or better yet, being addressed. Two different presiding ideals.
Here now comes the big kicker, the forth coming is the reason why Paul cautioned those who thought it would be just as easy to serve God out of a romantic relationship as that of the position of being single:
Two people, a man and a woman get castaways on a deserted island. Will they be either together or even as individuals, the likely source of their rescue?
No, it will be an outside source.
The romantic relationship is full of imperfection, brought to the table by men and women. The romantic relationship is not the mountain of gold we would like it to be. It is not going to be that thing which brings us fulfillment. Sorry folks. Sincerely MAO
So shall we all be single then?
You know when I started to walk with Christ and read the bible more I like to remain as practical as possible but also a part of that is to walk by faith meaning I leave other things on to him.
The other thing is that I discovered that most things that went wrong in my life both which I was responsible for and that of outside influence were a result of either reaping the consequences of my sins or the sins of others.Point being sin not that it matters now but if I had known the source the true source of my afflictions then I would have avoided all this drama in my life.
I want perfection in my life or near it and while in the past I strived for this myself these days I got some help,I realise that I can only get this through Christ and the holy father.I was kept in bondage for a while with drinking though I was never an alcoholic per say I knew it had to stop somehow but couldn’t figure out how,in the end it was done,I was reintroduced to Go and Jesus and taught properly about their love for me I have never looked back since.
Now that I have seen the light,I do not operate in ignorance anymore like if I knew then what I know now things would have been a lot more different better choices made and other situations I walked into I wouldnt have,bad relationships,bad friendships,bad choices,not being able to realise and see the enemies traps got me into so much mess for I didnt know what I was doing or couldnt fully understand what and why things were happening in this manner.Today I know better.
But I still strive for perfection in everything Life,Career,Goals,Relationship romantic and otherwise,Finacially,Health.Most of these with the help of God I see them happening in my life each day,the rest well I ask questions about.I know people say well you can’t have it all I beg to differ,I believe God’s plan is that we prosper and not just moneywise but in all aspects of our lives.All this is covered if we follow the principles taught to us and APPLY them it will happen for us.we pray then take corresponding action,get guidance be realistic God will give you ideas he ain’t dropping jobs and business and cash and wives from heaven,you gonna go get yours with his guidance of course.And in the end because God’s will doesn’t give dominion to man over other men then the most difficult is the relationship one as different personalities with freewill interact.here is a rather hard territory but still with the right guidance you will know which battles to fight and which ones not to.
We need some revelation.
Dear bro; You have the gift of a Sound Mind from the Holy Spirit. I like that. You are headed in the correct direction. To start with, my advice today will begin with a sentence (thought, concept) the Lord gave me that changed some of my life.
I used to be, for many years, under bondage to Perfection. I was one of those folks who was ready to raise that banner and show my Perfectionist merit badge with much pride. “I’m a perfectionist.” I would announce so that I could be pigeon holed. It was pretty much like saying and don’t you forget it. We all are driven from a sad place within to create myths of who we are. Personas, monuments to ourselves. When I was hard on any one, I took comfort in knowing (like most perfectionist) that I was always harder on myself. So there, I could (was allowed) to be hard on others, because I never exempted myself.
And now here is the sentence which set me free from the Satanic Bondage of the perfectionist;
“The quest for perfection is born out of an imperfection.”
Yes, it comes from that one sad place from which the Holy Spirit of God in Adam was removed by due to Adam’s disobedience. It will drive us blindly to accept substitutes.
No, I don’t think you should remain single. We are conditioned in life to search for a “soul mate”. I say find this illusion. Keep a diary for you will need it to make sense of the insanity you will undergo. For the concept that we possess a person (hopefully) of the opposite sex, out there in the world which we must find, was also born out of a sad place. Nietzsche said; “No matter how hard we try, we can never possess the soul of a woman.” Sounds crazy, but that’s what it becomes in the end, a points game.
But I would not have don’t it any other way. It is something which forges our wisdom. I say, have the experience several times over until you feel you have all the wisdom out of it, that is afforded.
I know folks will say, “Ah but you’re not giving it a sincere and complete chance with a doom attitude like that.” The thing is that the other option is conformity. Trapped in the works, lifelong of the game of a relationship. It is a lifelong transaction which limits your service and creativity. I remember one time being a hermit for ten years and then came my friend.
We had a lovely friendship, But one day that all changed, boom, it was like magic. At the same time. She looked beautiful to me. I looked beautiful to her all in the same exact moment. Well I was terrified of her. She was terrified of me. Never the less we began the relationship.
The first night she had to get back to her kids (were grown) she was driving away, I was standing outside my door. My neighbors who happened to be a great Grand daughter was just arriving home with her husband. She takes one look at my sad face. She asks what’s the matter.
I say, “Now I know loneliness.” I hadn’t known it for ten years.
Paul pointed out that the married man, due to the woman, will have to involve himself in the affairs of the world. Pretty much talking about “getting”. Procuring things to please her.Lots of men are okay with that, however.
Sincerely; Tu hermano MAO