“They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning” -Clint Eastwood-
This is the man who is dirty harry,he was blondie the baddest gunslinger in wild west,he protected the president in.In the line of fire and he even trained the million dollar baby,and if he said this then what hope is there for the average man?
“you feeling lucky punk? well do ya?”
Anywhoo! This weekend I was helping out a friend move some stuff out of storage.since I was there he just took the opportunity to pick up other bits he had stored up at another household in the vicinity.Upon arrival I recognized the neighborhood and I had a funny feeling of which home we were heading to, it belonged to one of the wisemen who has since sadly after my last post get it right the first time here has separated from his other half.(and no it wasn’t coz of me or my posts at least I hope not 😦 we were all shocked).
My nervousness was due to the fact that our last encounter with her wasn’t pretty at all,she was understandably upset it was a difficult time for her, chucking her husband out and throwing a few things out behind him.
To my surprise she welcomed us with open hands with a smile underneath all that hurt.I could tell I have seen a hurting woman or two in my lifetime,but what captured me was her transformation she was calm and collected for which I gave her credit for and I just assumed during that time everything was overheated.
Fast forward a few hours later I was getting ready to be heading home,my friend told me he had forgotten something,reluctantly I agreed to go back with him and there it was. Chaos, a fight brewing,the wiseman had returned to pick up some of his belongings he had left behind and lets just say it was not a pretty sight.She was completely transformed into something else clearly his presence had changed her entirely.We left.
On the drive back “did you notice the extra locks on the door?” I asked my friend trying to lighten the mood.“yeah” he went “you know she must not feel safe being alone in such a big house,and people know she is alone there so…”
“Yes bra, but there must’ve been about 6 of those things, think that was for him?” I responded to him.
“well she is smart,she probably only locks each other lock in the row and since they are 6 of them, whoever is trying to pick them will be locking the other unlocked ones and tada unsuccessful” he joked, of course he must have stolen that somewhere but his delivery was timeless I couldn’t help but laugh after the joke had sank.
This really got me thinking about separations and the bitterness that follows between couples.In my experience its usually the woman’s choice that forces the man out the house or decide to break the relationship up. Seldom has it been the man’s choice.
Of course my observations are merely reflecting on the things I see around friends,colleagues,acquaintances,relations,the community at large etc etc and being a man I would like to share my confusion from a male perspective.
Let me just say I am condoning any kind of abuse if the woman decided to take such measures to protect herself she is obviously justified or for whatever reason,he was lazy,she just wasn’t happy,the love was gone, hey could be a million reasons I am not interested in that,what interests me is the reaction in the aftermath.
The fact is women are more angry and the more bitter and emotional and uncivil, in-agreeable and not amicable at all.I do not mean to offend or generalize.Of course some men are as equally bad but they are mainly spiteful in their hurt.Thats not to excuse them.
I see men as simple creatures for the most part, a man in a relationship if its good,even if nothing else in his life is right,he still feels like his whole world is complete. There could be a 10.5 earthquake outside and they wouldn’t worry, after all I am in love with a good woman.
We learn to keep our mouths shut generally and we will open doors,of course this is when we realize you were Miss Right when we met and we thought you would be Mrs Right only you forgot to mention your first name was always.
But often men will stick around though the situation is difficult, its a better the devil you know the kind of thing where you stay in your mess as long as you know what to expect,than be in a position where you have left and do not know what to expect on the outside world.
Yes conflict will always arise some great writers observed that:
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
Honoré de Balzac.
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside equally desperate to get out.
Michel de Montaigne
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished. (lol)
Zsa Zsa Gabor (okay okay this one is an actress.)
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t they’d be married too.
Indeed falling in love and having a relationship are very too different things.And the secret to a happy marriage remains a secret,and behind every man, great or not, is a woman rolling her eyes.The advice then given to me by my mentor in college not to get married soon afterwards as he explained it at the time “every perspective employer would see how prone to making mistakes you are seeing as you have made a major one already”.
Truth is people change and forget to tell eachother about it.My thoughts are further confirmed by Oscar Wilde who said:
How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.
I need some help here, why so angry when in fact it was your choice in the first place ?
Where is the hostility coming from?
Why do you hate me so much? You are not the only one hurting here.
Now I love you all my sisters out there, but sometimes your gender confuses me.
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher
I suppose most are doomed to becoming philosophers, in the meantime I sit here confused as I wonder about;
the wiseman,the ex and the six locks.