I love you ………but sometimes!

“I thought she was an intruder when I shot through the door”Oscar Pistorius-

This is the comment I heard this morning as I sat on the M1 sipping a coffee,as I reached for the radio while stuck in traffic.As gloomy as the morning is rainy typical of the UK the car is warm and comfortable,yes the Germans do indeed make good vehicles.But something does not sit well with me.Hearing about this case of the South African athlete who claims to have accidentally shot his girlfriend to death,something in me just doesn’t settle quite well.

But it’s more than that,I have in fact upset my other half,and every part of me feels it.

Let me just say as far as this case goes,I do not wish to speculate on this guy’s guilt or innocence,a family lost their daughter/sister/friend/niece and my heart goes out to them,in due time they will get the closure and justice but that still won’t replace the loss.

This just got me thinking as to why we hurt eachother and say hurtful and hateful things to one another that it drives us to the point that we can take a life.
Now I was going to walk into judgement and say “oh no not me” but then I recall some times when my frustration hits the roof and I need to take a “time out” not that I have anger issues but I do at times get angry,someone said to me once that if you don’t believe the devil exist next time you are acting crazy go look in the mirror quickly and you are sure to see one.

I love you……..but sometimes!

Perhaps it is my fault that I said something silly and have upset you,but still the passive aggression has to go.Often I will ask “baby what is wrong?” and I will get “nothing” when I know you are gearing up for payback.
Women have a subtle creative way of making you pay for your mistakes,for as any man knows when she looks at you like that,oh you in trouble and sooner or later you gonna pay.

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I’d just rather we settled this right now,yes I am silly I am a man after all and we are not the smartest gender.I just wondered what posses people to enter into conflict with their other halves.I look around me and it’s everywhere,a couple arguing in the Que in the coffee shop,others clearly shouting at one another in the car (must be the traffic).

Oh help me here,I should be smarter than this,there is some grovelling to be done,only this time flowers aren’t going to cut it,I must admit I was wrong though I still feel she should have known better,that’s the struggle.

Now I love you ………….but sometimes!

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22 thoughts on “I love you ………but sometimes!

  1. getting someone to fight with you…is just the same as someone going silent…never relinquishing thoughts..to leave one in constant speculation…and then sheer anger when one says to the other..whats up?
    the value put on communication seems to have left our society…all we can seem to do is assume and put people in boxes..and we do it quite well…
    I have spent the last two days..trying to communicate…and the whole time I have been placed in a box..told what I was and how I was…and why I should be there and why I was staying there…
    Maybe I am more aggressive towards labeling..being against it because of growing up in an abusive home..and being labeled my entire life as..whatever because this happened…
    I was told today..you must be angry..see your angry because you had to be around angry people..who took their anger out on you…HUH?
    I am angry today for a valid reason..stop giving ourselves a juicy rationalization for being jerks…
    Stop with the cliche statements..and separating women and men into different spheres..and men do this and women do this…
    Everyone last one of us..when wounded and made to feel unsafe responds the same way…we fall into ourselves and find the safest passage through it..
    That is when you hear..whether male or female..fine..whatever…all those cute words…
    I think we have played in this playground long enough of separation of the sexes…
    I thought we were here to love each other..and pick each other up when another fell…
    When did we fall into the realm of gotta keep myself safe…
    Love is not safe..nor is it this warm fuzzy feeling…
    It is a daily..pushing on the soul..even tears..and then mending it with the love God established..no one and nothing else…
    We are wasting so much time…
    I know what I am saying..
    One day you are 10..then 20 and then you wake up and you are staring down 50…and all you can do is label and put people in brackets..and run..cannot even figure out anymore what you are running from….
    You just do it…
    I am supposed to fight for my life..and the life of others…not label…or separate…

    • The voice of reason,you did say you have a calming effect and now I see it working,suppose my views come from being a man looking down the rabbit hole at females,perhaps it’s time to look at the other side and not separate the two.

      Like you said we all are people and should just treat eachother as thus.

      Putting that in practice is another thing all together however.

      It’s always good seeing you.

  2. First the devil, well it’s a bit like this; you can take a horse to water but you can’t make it drink. The devil can tempt you with this and that but can’t make you do it.
    As for the rest wait for the woman in your life to be calmer and then talk about ‘it’. Remember sorry is only good if you mean it, so you need to say what it is you are not going to do/or you are going to do and either do ‘it’ or make sure you don’t. And you may not think flowers will ‘cut it’ but it’s a start. It’s like owning up it’s your fault. As a tip for the future, when those flowers begin die and they will make you buy her some more not because you had to but because she is worth it.

    • Yes thank you I am learning so much today I tell you,suppose that statement was correct after all,
      Anyways we live and learn,it’s days like these that I dread,but one has to have faith and rely on God’s grace to get through days like today.

  3. “I love you… But sometimes!” Yep, we’ve all been there and done that. I was actually laughing a little bit at the “5 deadly terms used by a woman” – I’ve used some of them myself (though rarely ever with any kind of forethought of malice or revenge). But, the reason that I was giggling was that my father uses them all the time!!! And it bothers me because I wish that he would just COMMUNICATE with my mother. I do understand him, though – and myself when I use these terms. We’re trying to be good, we’re trying to hold back our anger and petty feelings, we’re trying to hold our toungues – but we are human and imperfect and, like every human being, most of our attempts at goodness fall miserably short.
    My only advice: women need to be heard and acknowledged. We need to know that we are appreciated for our good qualities and FORGIVEN for our faults. Now that doesn’t mean that you should ever tell a woman (or a man for that matter) “I forgive you, honey, for your faults.” Not unless you like incurring wrath! Condescension is not what is called for, rather: Mercy, gentleness, PATIENCE, support – and the courage to acknowledge that not everything we do is cute or clever. 🙂
    Every relationship is a struggle sometimes – that just means, like Vince and others have said, there’s something there worth struggling for. Thank you for this post, Limbi! I’m confident you won’t let the devil get the best of you!

    • True that,that’s great advice I am getting here,it does take two people to make things work,cooperation is needed.

      Someone once told me that we give the devil too much credit,that some faults are down to us,I don’t know how true that statement is.

      But the silent treatment thing is ineffective and at best just goes to ruin things further,I really don’t see how ignoring the other person is meant to solve anything….

      I don’t know Christina on this one it’s complicated.

      • I don’t pretend to know the complications of your personal plight, I’ll pray for you (and your other). And you’re so right: relationship is not a one-way street and ignoring someone isn’t ultimately helpful.
        Pax Christi
        Christina

  4. I guess I “fight” in a relationship for one of two reasons: I’m scared or what the other person has said/done reflects back to me some inner darkness in myself that I wanted to keep hidden and I’m mad because now I need to face it. The things I’m scared about happened long before I met the person I’m arguing with. But know if I’m arguing with you that there is at least some level of trust — that I feel you won’t run out on me. I agree with what was said earlier– the silent treatment (apathy) — is the most damaging to relationships. 😀

    • Fear turns faith inside out and it makes act irrationally at the best of times.
      I like what you said about the trust thing,but again sometimes people fight because of lack of trust.

      I thank you taking the time to share your thoughts.

  5. I love the way you have pulled that Oscar story into your personal fight because its not at all far fetched, people do some crazy stuff when controlled by love and jealousy. I agree with Vince, fighting is used through a kind of medium of expression which for me is better than silence, because silence is the worst kind of life. From experience, depending on communication, I have found that the fights are never really about whats being said. Blessings and Hugs to you xxx

    • Yes thank you for dropping by,it’s true what you said sometimes the fighting is not about what’s been said,it’s funny you could say all the correct things and not be believed or taken seriously,but 1 wrong thing said can set out a fire,one you can’t easily put out.

  6. I don’t know the circumstances of the, shall we say tenuous situation, but if a wrong was committed I would draw on my prayers to God. What do you say to God when you are wrong? My sense is what God wants is what she wants.

    • Yes true that,sometimes it’s the simplest things that elude us.The issue then is with God he is more forgiving and understanding,with human interactions it’s more difficult than that.
      Thank you for insight.

  7. My take on it is..arguing all the time is a terrible way to live. If there’s violence involved it’s unacceptable and no way to live. When your significant other and you fight a lot it’s a problem but then there’s balance. Look at the other extreme. You have a couple, together for years, who never ever fights. There are minor disagreements but even those seem trivial and unimportant. Some might say that’s the secret to lasting relationships but is it?

    The word that comes to mind with the second couple described is indifference. I believe this feeling is as damaging to a relationship as constant fighting. At least with some fighting there’s passion and the idea that “I am mad at you and expressing it because I give a damn.” The later is the result of nothingness. A refusal to acknowledge problems because in the end it doesn’t matter if it gets better or not, it won’t. Indifference has killed my own marriage.

    • Wow that’s just powerful,I really loved your take on this whole thing it’s brought on a side I never saw to it,see in the pursuit of a perfect relationship I always thought the infighting is not to be put up with,I never saw that as you have described it ” indifference” is just as equally damaging if not more dangerous.

      Thank you Vince for putting a male man swing to it,you have helped a lot.

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