Identity crisis… …….who are you?

“He is 29,an entrepreneur,former day trader,father of zero,married to ………., he is from London,he has issues,he is crazy,immature….” -people-

Notice then that this is how people who know you describe you to other people.

It then becomes curious that since we identify ourselves by how other people describe us,we then begin to form an identity of ourselves based on how other people see us and not how we see ourselves.

I then begin to understand the importance of association.Let me break it down:- being lucky enough to be with a woman who builds you up instead of breaking you down is key.My other half refuses to see the negative aspects of me and my failures,a fact that she just reminded me of (funny I never saw this before),though I have tried this woman she yet remains strong ….I never knew how lucky I was until……….

Anywhoo I then realise that the definition of myself has been solely based on the opinions of the people around me.
My sisters always have a way of building me up and often times when I have done something which disappoints them I find that I too am disappointed.The same is true for my mum and dad.
This then means that the people who you think are important to you in your life,thier opinion matters to you to the point that your identity start to form around their opinions of you.

I hope I haven’t lost you here…stay with me now.

The danger is then in taking opinions of negative people who you think are important to you.
It’s easy not to care when someone says a negative thing about you when you already know they don’t like you anyway,they “haters” and “I don’t have time for that”, “am not the one” that don’t bother you so much.
But the issue comes in when someone pretends to like you when they really hate you and you think their opinions come from a place of love but it’s all coming from a hateful place and u begin to form an identity around this and their opinions.

It’s funny,these people will be picking their teeth after they have had thier pound of flesh from you,please bring me a word of comfort,speak medicine and life into my soul ….am already getting here,but you full.

The issue of mid life crisis
as best described by my friend Brings me to a revelation as to what happens.Essesiantialy it is the opinion of those around you and the media that tells you that your hair is receding and the belly is getting bigger and the energy isn’t what it used to be …,you are having a mid life crisis ah!! the power of suggestion which I would further describe as an

Identity crisis………who are you?

I just wonder who influences your identity? who do you let define who you are?

It’s often those who are around us,in a subtle way this happens and before you know it you are defined in a certain way :-

Young,beautiful,successful,intelligent,witty,clever smart,rich,driven,loving,kind,cheerful.


Old,grumpy,hateful,liar,fat&ugly,crazy,foolish,idiotic,failure, etcetera

And before you know it you start to believe this and miss your destiny and abandon your dreams.

I present this to you
You are not your job,not your family,not your issues,not where you live or where you are from,you are not what you do.But most importantly you are not who they say you are.
Take control take charge of your life,no ones knows you better than you .They are not there when you are crying yourself to sleep or when you are about to jump off a bridge or when you sit alone in a dark empty room and wonder “how did I get here?”
Your opinion about yourself should be what shaped your identity not anyone else’s.

If you can’t shut them up,shut them out.

Your life is your own be mindful of how you walk it.You cannot tell me how to walk my walk, I ll take your advice but in the end this is my walk my destiny.

Stop being handled and handle your life,the most tragic thing is living a lie that someone professed on your life.

So today I ask you who are you listening to? who is influencing your life? Or should I say who are you allowing to influence you?

Identity crisis …… ………who are you?

13 thoughts on “Identity crisis… …….who are you?

  1. God had me answer these three questions one day. 1. who do people think you are? 2. who do you think you are? 3. who does God say you are? And for my two cents. I think you are full of wisdom, truth, and have a kind heart. I also believe you have a strong calling and spirit. A warrior for the kingdom of God. Blessings.

  2. I think OK to “take a pulse” on what others think of us to combat any narcissism or egocentricity we may have , usually unwittingly. But remember we should establish self image independent of the presence or absence of particular others and not contingent upon what others do or don’t do. See “Necessary Losses” by JV for in depth. Periodic self inventory meaningful.

  3. Beautiful and powerful post! So true…we identify ourselves by how others describe us…what they think about us! But it’s our life….not theirs! So we have to evaluate what is right for us! We need to see ourselves through the eyes of the Lord and not the eyes of the world! Be blessed and find a way to bless someone else!

    I’ll check her blog! Thank you dear for sharing such a powerful post, filled with insight for all of us to ponder!

    • I am not who they say I am but I am who God say I am,I almost lost myself seeking approval from people,to share Gods word,permission to love and be loved,

      God reminded me who I am.

      In him I trust as he is……..

  4. It is true that we can get wrapped up in what others think about us. We are social creatures so it stands to reason that we would like the approval of others.
    I would agree with dismissing the advice of those you know that only mean you harm. (No use wasting time there)
    We also have scripture to guide us, Psalms1, do not accept the council of the ungodly.
    For myself I listen to what others say and privately evaluate it, both positive and negative comments. I look for their motivation, do they care, are they just beating their own chest, are they right? At the end of the day my personality is laid bare before God; I need to concern myself with what God thinks. Just my 2 cents.

    • Once again you expand my horizon of not just not looking one way and considering the other side as well.

      Brilliantly put listen to what they say and privately evaluate it,and look into their motivation.

      Always a pleasure.

  5. First let me start off by saying Thank You for linking to my blog, I really appreciate it because I feel so strongly about such topics as self esteem and identification. Not sure which post in particular you were referring to or is it as a general because I do bring it up in many of my posts. I loved reading this, thank you again my friend, again, it was brilliantly honest. So many favourite lines, this is one of them…..โ€œhow did I get here?โ€ ๐Ÿ™‚ xxx

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