Too scared to pray

FEAR:- False Evidence Appearing Rear”-some wise guy-

Today it happened,I was Too scared to pray perhaps I am just tired of all these attacks and mishappenings or perhaps it’s just that every-time I get into prayer deeply then the devil shows up.

Curious then that during my wild days of partying,poker,brandy and cigars it all worked out.

One drove home drunk as a skunk and never once scratched his M3 or the powerful 420d

In any case it would seem that the minute I changed allegiances,afflictions followed.

Now am not scared just tired,see when u operate in your calling opposition comes but then so does provision.I just wonder now considering what I ve gone through,I see a way out, but then it’s not

Not the way The Lord has made,…No this is ME Limbiley.

See Jacob sceemed lied and got his own way ….he was a schemer,a con artist, he could lie, ” sounds like all men I know”

I too wrested with angels
I too painted the herd striped spotted
I too have been there,so I am Jacob

Besides if I had a hairy brother who would sell me his birthright for soup…..then u knw……

In any case I fear praying coz the bad has happened in the last few years just after I prayed,

Coz evil manifests better and quicker than the good and the holy,

So now am too scared to pray

Yet in my heart am still a Schemer and I ll negotiate myself out of this calamity coz all I know to do is this “survive or die”

So I will ……but now, I will won’t Die,and I won’t be scared,coz I change my mind.
Since I must live ….I will live and when I do live….

I will pray

And I ain’t

Too scared to pray anymore

And when I get up you gonna wish u killed me when u had the chance devil.

Coz now

I ain’t :-

Too scared to pray

HALT …hungry angry lonely tired

Watch you don’t get too hungry,angry lonely tired p
AA

This one is a popular saying supposedly in recovery where one has to watch out for these symptoms otherwise a relapse is bound to occur.
It is interesting then that in our lives although we may not be addicts to a chemical substance we are all addicted to some form of substance.

One individual put it this way

you can not find a chemical solution for a spiritual problem

It would all then suggest to me that in order to fix any part of one’s life,one must first deal with one’s spirit.
I also quiet like to see it this way;relapse would easily be defined as going back to that which gives us comfort and use that substance which gives us comfort to battle whatever discomfort we are going through at the time.

Therefore it would seem to me that we are all a bunch of addicts just different flavours,difference outlets points,blowing off steam as it were,some use yoga,others therapist,some hit the club,others fast cars,shoe shopping,religion,……………..(fill in the blank as appropriate.)

In any case hungry,angry,lonely,tired seems appropiate.
But then question comes to mind

What do you do if you are so hungry in your spirit that there nothing to feed it and drive it,don’t know your purpose/calling/duty/task/assignment just yet?Coz hunger in the physical can be quenched with food but what do you do when you hunger for more than food and drink?

What do you do when you are so angry at life and yourself and everything else around you,that your own spirit is .,Angry because your expectations don’t match your experiences,that the promises don’t live up to problems faced.

What do you of when your loneliness is beyond that which the woman at the well suffered?

Now see this woman married 5 times,now living with a boyfriend or whatever,we all sit in judgement.

But I see her differently,only coz I sat at the well once in my life,lonely,sorrounded with people,loved ones and felt so alone.(funny how earlier I lived alone in a strange country at 22 and never felt lonely) but now am ……older,wiser,more accomplished,mature and yet………….I have everything I ever wanted but yet…..I still feel alone.

It is this solitude that I talk about,the one that your spouse,mummy or daddy can’t fix,cousin Ed tried so did nephew Lisa but still it won’t work
I need that belly of living waters.


See being alone and being lonely are too very different things

Anywhoo

Tired
Physical fatigue we can all handle with rest,get a massage,soak,
But what do u do when you are mentally exhausted?
it’s your mind now

when u get tired of being sick and tired

Tired like Elijah in the cave tired,tired like Moses to point of hitting the rock,tired like Jonah to the point of not going to Nineveh,tired like Paul to ask for the thorn to be removed,…3 times.
Tired like Jesus in garden when he begs

lLet this cup pass me by

Nevertheless your will ABBA FATHER

And as we stand never let us be too:-

Hungry angry lonely tired

Wedding,moving home and a baby

“3 most stressful things in life are getting married,moving home and having a baby” –survey

I can officially say that I am tired,mentally drained to the point of exhaustion,emotionally pulled and tagged in all directions,my patience tried in ways I never thought possible,my resilience tested beyond grounds,my tolerance levels challenged.

But hey that’s what u get with wedding,moving home and a baby

One down 2 to go, you know life will come with it’s challenges but this wow!! I never saw this one.Attempting all 3 at one time will overwhelm you I don’t know what I was thinking.

Allow me a little background if u will.
My getting married was about time,now due to the nature of my work I am the more flexible one besides my other half makes more than I do anyway so the logical thing to do was to move home to a new continent all together, in any case the wedding plans started to come up as did family and friends who wished to “help”(who knew so many relations could ve so many opinions??)

And the fun began,ideas,how do we keep everybody happy,suggestions,not one night has gone by that we didnt argue coz this relative wanted this or that relative wanted that.Venues menus colours OMGosh, I feel like ……………Turquoise&Fuscia

Now comes the moving:- my other half had to do most of the paying,after all am new to the country I don’t know what’s what and you know I need a little time to get things moving …..bla bla…..anyway we find this beautiful place and it’s gorgeous even by my high standards I approve.But wait the guilt.I feel bad when she leaves for work feel bad when am having a shower coz she paid for the electric and she even got me a gym membership and a library card…
Hello is this normal I feel bad walking on the carpet,I feel bad reaching in the fridge, the Playstation has been off for weeks.
Worst part is the emptiness when she goes to work “all by myself”

Now the baby talk,we already agreed that I would work from home and she would go back to her career,now I don’t know,,,,,I feel bad enough right now,I ve loads of nieces and nephews,cousins …I am black after all,so I can raise a baby.(it does take a village to raise one and I well …..never spent time in a village but the principle counts)I could be wrong.ANYWAY
But it’s this feeling am worried about
I ve attempted to plan a wedding,have moved home and I am drained.What will having a baby and be a stay and work at home Dad do to me?

Did I take on too much?

Help me here as I attempt to tackle the big 3:-

Wedding,moving home and a baby

Identity crisis… …….who are you?

“He is 29,an entrepreneur,former day trader,father of zero,married to ………., he is from London,he has issues,he is crazy,immature….” -people-

Notice then that this is how people who know you describe you to other people.

It then becomes curious that since we identify ourselves by how other people describe us,we then begin to form an identity of ourselves based on how other people see us and not how we see ourselves.

I then begin to understand the importance of association.Let me break it down:- being lucky enough to be with a woman who builds you up instead of breaking you down is key.My other half refuses to see the negative aspects of me and my failures,a fact that she just reminded me of (funny I never saw this before),though I have tried this woman she yet remains strong ….I never knew how lucky I was until……….

Anywhoo I then realise that the definition of myself has been solely based on the opinions of the people around me.
My sisters always have a way of building me up and often times when I have done something which disappoints them I find that I too am disappointed.The same is true for my mum and dad.
This then means that the people who you think are important to you in your life,thier opinion matters to you to the point that your identity start to form around their opinions of you.

I hope I haven’t lost you here…stay with me now.

The danger is then in taking opinions of negative people who you think are important to you.
It’s easy not to care when someone says a negative thing about you when you already know they don’t like you anyway,they “haters” and “I don’t have time for that”, “am not the one” that don’t bother you so much.
But the issue comes in when someone pretends to like you when they really hate you and you think their opinions come from a place of love but it’s all coming from a hateful place and u begin to form an identity around this and their opinions.

It’s funny,these people will be picking their teeth after they have had thier pound of flesh from you,please bring me a word of comfort,speak medicine and life into my soul ….am already getting here,but you full.

The issue of mid life crisis
as best described by my friend http://dietrying999.wordpress.com Brings me to a revelation as to what happens.Essesiantialy it is the opinion of those around you and the media that tells you that your hair is receding and the belly is getting bigger and the energy isn’t what it used to be …,you are having a mid life crisis ah!! the power of suggestion which I would further describe as an

Identity crisis………who are you?

I just wonder who influences your identity? who do you let define who you are?

It’s often those who are around us,in a subtle way this happens and before you know it you are defined in a certain way :-

Young,beautiful,successful,intelligent,witty,clever smart,rich,driven,loving,kind,cheerful.

Or

Old,grumpy,hateful,liar,fat&ugly,crazy,foolish,idiotic,failure, etcetera

And before you know it you start to believe this and miss your destiny and abandon your dreams.

I present this to you
You are not your job,not your family,not your issues,not where you live or where you are from,you are not what you do.But most importantly you are not who they say you are.
Take control take charge of your life,no ones knows you better than you .They are not there when you are crying yourself to sleep or when you are about to jump off a bridge or when you sit alone in a dark empty room and wonder “how did I get here?”
Your opinion about yourself should be what shaped your identity not anyone else’s.

If you can’t shut them up,shut them out.

Your life is your own be mindful of how you walk it.You cannot tell me how to walk my walk, I ll take your advice but in the end this is my walk my destiny.

Stop being handled and handle your life,the most tragic thing is living a lie that someone professed on your life.

So today I ask you who are you listening to? who is influencing your life? Or should I say who are you allowing to influence you?

Identity crisis …… ………who are you?

I love you ………but sometimes!

“I thought she was an intruder when I shot through the door”Oscar Pistorius-

This is the comment I heard this morning as I sat on the M1 sipping a coffee,as I reached for the radio while stuck in traffic.As gloomy as the morning is rainy typical of the UK the car is warm and comfortable,yes the Germans do indeed make good vehicles.But something does not sit well with me.Hearing about this case of the South African athlete who claims to have accidentally shot his girlfriend to death,something in me just doesn’t settle quite well.

But it’s more than that,I have in fact upset my other half,and every part of me feels it.

Let me just say as far as this case goes,I do not wish to speculate on this guy’s guilt or innocence,a family lost their daughter/sister/friend/niece and my heart goes out to them,in due time they will get the closure and justice but that still won’t replace the loss.

This just got me thinking as to why we hurt eachother and say hurtful and hateful things to one another that it drives us to the point that we can take a life.
Now I was going to walk into judgement and say “oh no not me” but then I recall some times when my frustration hits the roof and I need to take a “time out” not that I have anger issues but I do at times get angry,someone said to me once that if you don’t believe the devil exist next time you are acting crazy go look in the mirror quickly and you are sure to see one.

I love you……..but sometimes!

Perhaps it is my fault that I said something silly and have upset you,but still the passive aggression has to go.Often I will ask “baby what is wrong?” and I will get “nothing” when I know you are gearing up for payback.
Women have a subtle creative way of making you pay for your mistakes,for as any man knows when she looks at you like that,oh you in trouble and sooner or later you gonna pay.

20140307-090656.jpg

I’d just rather we settled this right now,yes I am silly I am a man after all and we are not the smartest gender.I just wondered what posses people to enter into conflict with their other halves.I look around me and it’s everywhere,a couple arguing in the Que in the coffee shop,others clearly shouting at one another in the car (must be the traffic).

Oh help me here,I should be smarter than this,there is some grovelling to be done,only this time flowers aren’t going to cut it,I must admit I was wrong though I still feel she should have known better,that’s the struggle.

Now I love you ………….but sometimes!

As our days are …..so is our strenght

Its a cold pain,a chill you feel right in your bones -limbiley-

There is nothing more imaginable like the pain of loss,we have all lost things before but I doubt many appreciate the pain of loosing something that is connected to you.Your fresh and blood.That which is a part of you or at least could have been.

This weekend was beautiful,in the middle England on a cold Saturday morning a man treks through the cold weather with a bag on his shoulder,he has been away and she doesn’t expect him to return home just yet.He has managed to catch the 5:11 transport out just to be with her,if only for that weekend,upon arrival he then rings her and says “look out your window” and a joy spurns in his heart as he sees her red painted fingernails draw the curtains.Much of their day is spent in the shops and they get to meet family and friends,its a productive day.Later these two lovers in essence prepare for a Sunday service,as he irons her grey shirt he is greatful and thankful to heaven for not only the iron but for giving him someone to iron for,in matching suits they step out.All is well and it is good,its obvious the Love and peace is flourishing.

Fast forward a few hours later he must leave her again Because circumstance demands it,Now this is where it gets complicated.You see now on the transport back he gets a txt from a friend,this guy has a wife at home and she is expecting a child,and his txt is thus “i am at the hospital with the mrs” eagerly he answers back congratulating them,cos in essence the water broke and we should be welcoming a new life into the world.

He boast to his other half that he left behind and they jokingly but seriously wonder and consider when this will be them,celebrating and welcoming a new life of their own.

It is not until later that the friend messages back with the words “sorry mate,we lost him my son is gone” they suffered a miscarriage,at 8+ months.

At this point I know that there was a life kicking and very much alive but its gone now,my hopes are dashed and I end arguing with the very person who I was planning to share that experience with,she is my sarah,my other half,my promise,my meet from God, but still I am afraid, coz you see now am afraid of how its going to be should the very thing that happened to my friend happens to us.

He calls me later 0800 hours he seems okay and I admire his braveness,but deep down I know he is hurting,such pain cuts deep and its a chill that sets in the bones.

I could only comfort him as best I know how,with the word of the Lord.

I then remember something else,as our days are so is our strength,so I was praying the wrong prayer,the evil worrysome day is upon us,how do we get through it?

as our days are ………..so is our strength.

The wiseman,the ex and the six locks.

“They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning”        -Clint Eastwood- 

This is the man who is dirty harry,he was blondie the baddest gunslinger in wild west,he protected the president in.In the line of fire and he even trained the million dollar baby,and if he said this then what hope is there for the average man?

“you feeling lucky punk? well do ya?” 

Anywhoo! This weekend I was helping out a friend move some stuff out of storage.since I was there he just took the opportunity to pick up other bits he had stored up at another household in the vicinity.Upon arrival I recognized the neighborhood and I had a funny feeling of which home we were heading to, it belonged to one of the wisemen who has since sadly after  my last post  get it right the first time  here has separated from his other half.(and no it wasn’t coz of me or my posts at least I hope not 😦 we were all shocked).

My nervousness was due to the fact that our last encounter with her wasn’t pretty at all,she was understandably upset it was a difficult time for her, chucking her husband out and throwing a few things out behind him.

To my surprise she welcomed us with open hands with a smile underneath all that hurt.I could tell I have seen a hurting woman or two in my lifetime,but what captured me was her transformation she was calm and collected for which I gave  her credit for and I just assumed  during that time everything was overheated.

Fast forward a few hours later I was getting ready to be heading home,my friend told me he had forgotten something,reluctantly I agreed to go back with him and there it was. Chaos, a fight brewing,the wiseman had returned to pick up some of his belongings he had left behind and lets just say it was not a pretty sight.She was completely transformed into something else clearly his presence had changed her entirely.We left.

On the drive back “did you notice the extra locks on the door?” I asked my friend trying to lighten the mood.“yeah” he went “you know she must not feel safe being alone in such a big house,and people know she is alone there so…”

“Yes bra, but there must’ve been about 6 of those things, think that was for him?” I responded to him.

“well she is smart,she probably only locks each other lock in the row and since they are 6 of them,  whoever is trying to pick them  will be locking the other unlocked ones and tada  unsuccessful”  he joked, of course he must have stolen that somewhere but his delivery  was timeless I couldn’t help but laugh after the joke had sank.

This really got me thinking about separations and the bitterness that follows between couples.In my experience its usually the woman’s choice that forces the man out the house or decide to break the relationship up. Seldom has it been the man’s choice.

Of course my observations are merely reflecting on the things I see around friends,colleagues,acquaintances,relations,the community at large etc etc  and being a man I would like to share my confusion from a male perspective.

Let me just say I am condoning any kind of abuse if the woman decided to take such measures to protect herself she is obviously justified or for whatever reason,he was lazy,she just wasn’t happy,the love was gone, hey could be a million reasons I am not interested in that,what interests me is the reaction in the aftermath.

The fact is women are more angry and the more bitter and emotional and uncivil, in-agreeable and not amicable at all.I do not mean to offend or generalize.Of course some men are as equally bad but they are mainly spiteful in their hurt.Thats not to excuse them.

I see men as simple creatures for the most part, a man in a relationship if its good,even if nothing else in his life is right,he still feels like his whole world is complete. There could be a 10.5 earthquake outside and they wouldn’t worry, after all I am in love with a good woman.

We learn to keep our mouths shut generally and we will open  doors,of course this is when we realize you were Miss Right when we met and we thought you would be Mrs Right only you forgot to mention your first name was always.  

But often men will stick around though the situation is difficult, its a better the devil you know the kind of  thing where you stay in your mess as long as you know what to expect,than be in a position where you have left and do not know what to expect on the outside world.

Yes conflict will always arise some great writers observed that:

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

Honoré de Balzac. 

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Sacha Guitry.

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside equally desperate to get out.

Michel de Montaigne 

A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished. (lol)

Zsa Zsa Gabor  (okay okay this one is an actress.)

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t they’d be married too.

H.L Mencken

Indeed falling in love and having a relationship are very too different things.And the secret to a happy marriage remains a secret,and behind every man, great or not, is a woman rolling her eyes.The advice then given to me by my mentor in college  not to get married soon afterwards as he explained it at the time “every perspective employer would see how prone to making mistakes you are seeing as you have made a major one already”.

Truth is people change and forget to tell eachother about it.My thoughts are further confirmed by Oscar Wilde who said:

How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.

 

I need some help here, why so angry when in fact it was your choice in the first place ?

Where is the hostility coming from?

Why do you hate me so much? You are not the only one hurting here.

Now I love you all my sisters out there, but sometimes your gender confuses me.

 

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher

Socrates. 

I suppose most are doomed to becoming philosophers, in the meantime I sit here confused as I wonder about;

the wiseman,the ex and the six locks.

 

The “real” Christmas Day the 26th

Now that that’s over with;
The fake people, fake affections, polite conversations, it all starts to creep back up and real life begins to return but it really won’t hit till early January.

A fellow blogger pointed out something about Xmas that reflected my feelings completely,how she put it again? oh yeah “cruella deville all year long and want to smile at Xmas”. All this stuff  about its a special time of year that we show our loved ones that we truly care and appreciate them makes me sick.Question comes to mind then that isn’t this something we should be doing all year round anyway?

I mean I don’t need a special day to prove to my loved ones that I care about them and fellas if you are using this day to show how much you care for your ladies/family then something is wrong there as it is equally for the ladies who put a spread and look after everyone for this day alone then after the presents and dinner is done its back to you now who,to the family members that will go back to ignoring each other all year round till yeah ……..you guessed it,next Xmas.

Now I do believe periods like this and birthdays, anniversaries should not go unmarked and uncelebrated,it just has to be for the right reasons.We live in a society today where everyone is looking for an excuse to either party or celebrate something to justify spending money.

We have an office party,hair,nails,dress,new tux,refit the kitchen.

My cat made a friend gonna throw a do invite the neighbourhood.You get the idea ridiculous stuff.

Clearly Christmas has lost its true meaning a long time ago,I mean its all about people rushing in bad moods in shopping, family members getting  together exchanging presents,eating,drinking and that’s it really. I do  however take advantage of today,its a day for me that sales are on and I see it as my real Christmas day,and it has a been a tradition of mine to go out spending and get whatever I want as long as I can get a good deal then why not?

Its a relief,you should be able to just get out there at  any time of the year and get what you want if you can afford it of course,same goes for showing love for one another,why wait for a “special day” these are things that should be done everyday,anyway.

Makes me loathe Christmas day  for what society  has made it  become and what it represents,the way it changes people really evil on the days before (especially in rushed last minutes shopping cause you just cant turn up without a present now can you?) and extremely pleasant on the day then,well back again yo yoing around,I can’t stand that and people like that.

Where are all the real people gone to these days?

So today I go forth and keep the tradition going to get something ridiculously priced just coz I can,no excuses,no pressure as today is my “real Christmas day the 26th”

Suppose I am alone in this.I wonder what other’s do today besides fight and be depressed ,or return the kid(s).It can be a sad time of year.

What do you do when the other half doesn’t get the memo?

THEY SAY A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS
Please observe the images below as a man regardless of his status in the world talks to another woman a little too much while the other half is present.
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Yes,yes she gets “the look” (middle picture) and the man changes seats.
I find it very interesting that regardless of who we are in the world,we all are faced with similar issues and if any men are out there you know once that she has “that look” oh!! you better change seats and shut your mouth and even though you live in the white house soon as you get home you in the dog house.

On a my last post I had great insights that raised more questions that it answered but nonetheless a few were answered and revelation was brought.

ITS NOT ABOUT YOU ALL YOU CAN IS LOVE.ITS NOT ABOUT YOU BUT ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON.ITS NOT ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN GET OUT OF IT BUT RATHER WHAT YOU CAN PUT INTO IT.

Now all these are noble statements ones that I have churned myself and heard and admired.Nobility,.. yes,yes to be noble.

Then further into my quest in the cyberworld I came across this:
“WHEN SOMEONE MAKES YOU SUFFER IT IS BECAUSE THEY TOO SUFFER DEEPLY WITHIN THEMSELVES AND THEIR SUFFERING IS SPILLING OVER.THEY DO NOT NEED PUNISHING,THEY NEED HELP THIS IS THE MESSAGE THEY ARE SENDING”

Now here, if I am in this situation this then puts me in a position open to abuse and toxicity,for I cannot truly stand in this commotion and not be scaved somehow.Sooner or later I will get marked and my attempts to diffuse the negativity with positivity are more likely to be taken advantage of and mistaken for stupidity and weakness birthing the results of more sufferings on my part,consequently the message I am trying to send has been lost in translation and misconstrued completely.
Funny how easily this happens I am sure most of us have been guilty of this countless times.

I then realise the primary source of our confusion is we send the message hoping the other half will understand and extrapolate the contents of the message there sent and though it may not be in written form,the fact that we have a bond and a relationship it is then a form of communication that by any rights is legally,emotionally, verbally and gesticulatory binding, yes, yes, hence a memo of sorts.

Now what do you do then when the other half doesn’t get the memo?
For years you have been pouring out, giving your all,sacrificing,being there, supporting,understanding and now you are tired,the easy is answer is hang in there but you are tired of hanging in and on,sick and tired of being sick and tired.And your problems got problems of their own.I am hoping a wiser person will come to the rescue here,(not to me personally BTW its all good ATM 😉 of course status of such is subjected to change after this post lol, hope not).
But in all seriousness I wish I could find the answer to this doomer of relationships.
The answer right now is I DONT KNOW hence the question:
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN THE OTHER HALF DOESN’T GET THE MEMO?

Inspired by the following lovely bloggers in our interactions:

dietrying999.wordpress.com This lady reminds me so much of my elder sister its shocking, inspiring lady.

ecc714.wordpress.com My main man MAO poet at heart God loving warrior.

freedomborn.wordpress.com Lovely&Strong and wise Christian couple from down under Aussie.

justmebeingcurious.com Newcastle supporter but we wont hold that against you.

askinsaneelaine.com Inspiring blog full of life

Get it right the first time round.

On typical cold somewhat gloomy  winter afternoon in the North of England I found myself at a family gathering. Pleasantries are exchanged,and I heard over to the manpit where the fire is along with barbecue stand.

I look around me there is food good conversation going I am surrounded by the 7 wisemen all fairly older than myself relations of some sort and something struck me, I was the only one among them not married……..yet.Why that was significant I have no idea and perhaps its not but nonetheless the thought came to me.

This lead me to something I always wondered,what truly really made their marriages work?They all seemed fairly happy and interacted well with their respective other halves, so me being the questioning kind I thought I’d ask,and the answer I got  somehow shocked me. One of them to me plainly ” GET MARRIED TO SOMEONE YOU GET ALONG WITH AND NOT SOMEONE YOU LOVE” I stood there for a few minutes as they took it in turns churning out advice and to my surprise most of them agreed with this train of thought.

Now this got me thinking.I can attest to ever loving 2 females (I mean the real thing) and I must say the feelings were  too pure and intense I mean you now when you know in fact about 10 years went by before I could the feel that way again  even though I was seeing other people in between,so yeah I  kinda know what love feels like and what it doesn’t.

Now here is the problem,the ones that you do Love you cant get along with.Just cant seem to happen.2 hrs  and you ready to kill eachother.

And yet the ones that,that feeling is missing, it  is just effortless and can hardly remember when your last fight was, of course you do have your occasional little disagreements that’s bound to happen 2 different personalities cannot always agree on stuff,but I am sure you can make a distinctions on the levels of conflict an chaos.

Some things I disproved along the way:

Love conqures all;- no it doesnt.

Love eachother strong enough you will work it out:- no you won’t.

If you Love something let it go and if returns  …Blah blah ….please!!!do me a favour.

All you need is Love …….right right.

 

Now of course this is based purely on observation and some,(and empasis on some experience)which makes me wonder if the wisemen had a point.It was some thing to think about on the long drive down.Normally I wouldn’t take this kind of approach I always had a belief that love will happen when it does but with where I am right now I dont know,what if they were right? Its kind of hard to argue with the facts and history.Or perhaps its something only men will admit to?

I just strongly believe in getting married once,and this is just a personal view,the history I have had, of course,lets just say if I had gotten round to getting married  I would have been divorced at least once or maybe more than once but that is irrelevant its just serving a point that I realise things do go wrong and I am not knocking divorcees.Needless to say my life is a little different now values change and so do aspirations and desires,and when it comes to marriage I just want to get it right the first time around.