“They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning” -Clint Eastwood-
This is the man who is dirty harry,he was blondie the baddest gunslinger in wild west,he protected the president in.In the line of fire and he even trained the million dollar baby,and if he said this then what hope is there for the average man?
“you feeling lucky punk? well do ya?”
Anywhoo! This weekend I was helping out a friend move some stuff out of storage.since I was there he just took the opportunity to pick up other bits he had stored up at another household in the vicinity.Upon arrival I recognized the neighborhood and I had a funny feeling of which home we were heading to, it belonged to one of the wisemen who has since sadly after my last post get it right the first time here has separated from his other half.(and no it wasn’t coz of me or my posts at least I hope not 😦 we were all shocked).
My nervousness was due to the fact that our last encounter with her wasn’t pretty at all,she was understandably upset it was a difficult time for her, chucking her husband out and throwing a few things out behind him.
To my surprise she welcomed us with open hands with a smile underneath all that hurt.I could tell I have seen a hurting woman or two in my lifetime,but what captured me was her transformation she was calm and collected for which I gave her credit for and I just assumed during that time everything was overheated.
Fast forward a few hours later I was getting ready to be heading home,my friend told me he had forgotten something,reluctantly I agreed to go back with him and there it was. Chaos, a fight brewing,the wiseman had returned to pick up some of his belongings he had left behind and lets just say it was not a pretty sight.She was completely transformed into something else clearly his presence had changed her entirely.We left.
On the drive back “did you notice the extra locks on the door?” I asked my friend trying to lighten the mood.“yeah” he went “you know she must not feel safe being alone in such a big house,and people know she is alone there so…”
“Yes bra, but there must’ve been about 6 of those things, think that was for him?” I responded to him.
“well she is smart,she probably only locks each other lock in the row and since they are 6 of them, whoever is trying to pick them will be locking the other unlocked ones and tada unsuccessful” he joked, of course he must have stolen that somewhere but his delivery was timeless I couldn’t help but laugh after the joke had sank.
This really got me thinking about separations and the bitterness that follows between couples.In my experience its usually the woman’s choice that forces the man out the house or decide to break the relationship up. Seldom has it been the man’s choice.
Of course my observations are merely reflecting on the things I see around friends,colleagues,acquaintances,relations,the community at large etc etc and being a man I would like to share my confusion from a male perspective.
Let me just say I am condoning any kind of abuse if the woman decided to take such measures to protect herself she is obviously justified or for whatever reason,he was lazy,she just wasn’t happy,the love was gone, hey could be a million reasons I am not interested in that,what interests me is the reaction in the aftermath.
The fact is women are more angry and the more bitter and emotional and uncivil, in-agreeable and not amicable at all.I do not mean to offend or generalize.Of course some men are as equally bad but they are mainly spiteful in their hurt.Thats not to excuse them.
I see men as simple creatures for the most part, a man in a relationship if its good,even if nothing else in his life is right,he still feels like his whole world is complete. There could be a 10.5 earthquake outside and they wouldn’t worry, after all I am in love with a good woman.
We learn to keep our mouths shut generally and we will open doors,of course this is when we realize you were Miss Right when we met and we thought you would be Mrs Right only you forgot to mention your first name was always.
But often men will stick around though the situation is difficult, its a better the devil you know the kind of thing where you stay in your mess as long as you know what to expect,than be in a position where you have left and do not know what to expect on the outside world.
Yes conflict will always arise some great writers observed that:
A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.
Honoré de Balzac.
When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside equally desperate to get out.
Michel de Montaigne
A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished. (lol)
Zsa Zsa Gabor (okay okay this one is an actress.)
Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t they’d be married too.
Indeed falling in love and having a relationship are very too different things.And the secret to a happy marriage remains a secret,and behind every man, great or not, is a woman rolling her eyes.The advice then given to me by my mentor in college not to get married soon afterwards as he explained it at the time “every perspective employer would see how prone to making mistakes you are seeing as you have made a major one already”.
Truth is people change and forget to tell eachother about it.My thoughts are further confirmed by Oscar Wilde who said:
How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.
I need some help here, why so angry when in fact it was your choice in the first place ?
Where is the hostility coming from?
Why do you hate me so much? You are not the only one hurting here.
Now I love you all my sisters out there, but sometimes your gender confuses me.
By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher
I suppose most are doomed to becoming philosophers, in the meantime I sit here confused as I wonder about;
the wiseman,the ex and the six locks.
Now that that’s over with;
The fake people, fake affections, polite conversations, it all starts to creep back up and real life begins to return but it really won’t hit till early January.
A fellow blogger pointed out something about Xmas that reflected my feelings completely,how she put it again? oh yeah “cruella deville all year long and want to smile at Xmas”. All this stuff about its a special time of year that we show our loved ones that we truly care and appreciate them makes me sick.Question comes to mind then that isn’t this something we should be doing all year round anyway?
I mean I don’t need a special day to prove to my loved ones that I care about them and fellas if you are using this day to show how much you care for your ladies/family then something is wrong there as it is equally for the ladies who put a spread and look after everyone for this day alone then after the presents and dinner is done its back to you now who,to the family members that will go back to ignoring each other all year round till yeah ……..you guessed it,next Xmas.
Now I do believe periods like this and birthdays, anniversaries should not go unmarked and uncelebrated,it just has to be for the right reasons.We live in a society today where everyone is looking for an excuse to either party or celebrate something to justify spending money.
We have an office party,hair,nails,dress,new tux,refit the kitchen.
My cat made a friend gonna throw a do invite the neighbourhood.You get the idea ridiculous stuff.
Clearly Christmas has lost its true meaning a long time ago,I mean its all about people rushing in bad moods in shopping, family members getting together exchanging presents,eating,drinking and that’s it really. I do however take advantage of today,its a day for me that sales are on and I see it as my real Christmas day,and it has a been a tradition of mine to go out spending and get whatever I want as long as I can get a good deal then why not?
Its a relief,you should be able to just get out there at any time of the year and get what you want if you can afford it of course,same goes for showing love for one another,why wait for a “special day” these are things that should be done everyday,anyway.
Makes me loathe Christmas day for what society has made it become and what it represents,the way it changes people really evil on the days before (especially in rushed last minutes shopping cause you just cant turn up without a present now can you?) and extremely pleasant on the day then,well back again yo yoing around,I can’t stand that and people like that.
Where are all the real people gone to these days?
So today I go forth and keep the tradition going to get something ridiculously priced just coz I can,no excuses,no pressure as today is my “real Christmas day the 26th”
Suppose I am alone in this.I wonder what other’s do today besides fight and be depressed ,or return the kid(s).It can be a sad time of year.
Yes,yes she gets “the look” (middle picture) and the man changes seats.
I find it very interesting that regardless of who we are in the world,we all are faced with similar issues and if any men are out there you know once that she has “that look” oh!! you better change seats and shut your mouth and even though you live in the white house soon as you get home you in the dog house.
On a my last post I had great insights that raised more questions that it answered but nonetheless a few were answered and revelation was brought.
ITS NOT ABOUT YOU ALL YOU CAN IS LOVE.ITS NOT ABOUT YOU BUT ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON.ITS NOT ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN GET OUT OF IT BUT RATHER WHAT YOU CAN PUT INTO IT.
Now all these are noble statements ones that I have churned myself and heard and admired.Nobility,.. yes,yes to be noble.
Then further into my quest in the cyberworld I came across this:
“WHEN SOMEONE MAKES YOU SUFFER IT IS BECAUSE THEY TOO SUFFER DEEPLY WITHIN THEMSELVES AND THEIR SUFFERING IS SPILLING OVER.THEY DO NOT NEED PUNISHING,THEY NEED HELP THIS IS THE MESSAGE THEY ARE SENDING”
Now here, if I am in this situation this then puts me in a position open to abuse and toxicity,for I cannot truly stand in this commotion and not be scaved somehow.Sooner or later I will get marked and my attempts to diffuse the negativity with positivity are more likely to be taken advantage of and mistaken for stupidity and weakness birthing the results of more sufferings on my part,consequently the message I am trying to send has been lost in translation and misconstrued completely.
Funny how easily this happens I am sure most of us have been guilty of this countless times.
I then realise the primary source of our confusion is we send the message hoping the other half will understand and extrapolate the contents of the message there sent and though it may not be in written form,the fact that we have a bond and a relationship it is then a form of communication that by any rights is legally,emotionally, verbally and gesticulatory binding, yes, yes, hence a memo of sorts.
Now what do you do then when the other half doesn’t get the memo?
For years you have been pouring out, giving your all,sacrificing,being there, supporting,understanding and now you are tired,the easy is answer is hang in there but you are tired of hanging in and on,sick and tired of being sick and tired.And your problems got problems of their own.I am hoping a wiser person will come to the rescue here,(not to me personally BTW its all good ATM 😉 of course status of such is subjected to change after this post lol, hope not).
But in all seriousness I wish I could find the answer to this doomer of relationships.
The answer right now is I DONT KNOW hence the question:
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN THE OTHER HALF DOESN’T GET THE MEMO?
Inspired by the following lovely bloggers in our interactions:
dietrying999.wordpress.com This lady reminds me so much of my elder sister its shocking, inspiring lady.
ecc714.wordpress.com My main man MAO poet at heart God loving warrior.
freedomborn.wordpress.com Lovely&Strong and wise Christian couple from down under Aussie.
justmebeingcurious.com Newcastle supporter but we wont hold that against you.
askinsaneelaine.com Inspiring blog full of life
I have never fully embraced the idea of letting go completely.
I mean the idea of someone running my life while I watch sitting idly by is insane
Define insanity. Insert here ___________.
A Ladybird once told me that insane runs in the family.I said to her ;”wait a minute now,if you know me like you know me then you know that insanity does not run in the family but it strolls around introducing itself whilst it gets to know each member of the family personally.If anything it takes it’s time,it never runs”.
One would then conclude that I have then always been insane anyway,therefore I am in my zone.
So I say this one is on God
For you maybe sitting there mourning the loss of a Job,the house is going too,my marriage is gone,my health ain’t what is used to be and the car is making a noise even the coffee is too hot.You know you got it bad when even your cup of coffee has it in for you.
I then look on the wall and I literally and figuratively see the word restoration.
That then reminds me that if you had a Job once then you will get another one.
If you once bought a house,then you gonna get it back again
If they have left then well ….they weren’t for you coz that which is truly for you wouldn’t leave even if it could,and that which is for you has a supernatural way of finding you.
That noisy car well at least you got a car.
If it’s health I don’t know whether it’s going to be medicine or miracle healing but I just know you gonna get better.
The coffee is still a bit tricky,that may take me a minute to figure out.
No matter what it looks like I know you are going to get it back again,in one form or another.
What do you do when you are broke and broken?
-You place your order and leave the tab to your Father for;
THIS ONE IS ON GOD!!!