Identity crisis… …….who are you?

“He is 29,an entrepreneur,former day trader,father of zero,married to ………., he is from London,he has issues,he is crazy,immature….” -people-

Notice then that this is how people who know you describe you to other people.

It then becomes curious that since we identify ourselves by how other people describe us,we then begin to form an identity of ourselves based on how other people see us and not how we see ourselves.

I then begin to understand the importance of association.Let me break it down:- being lucky enough to be with a woman who builds you up instead of breaking you down is key.My other half refuses to see the negative aspects of me and my failures,a fact that she just reminded me of (funny I never saw this before),though I have tried this woman she yet remains strong ….I never knew how lucky I was until……….

Anywhoo I then realise that the definition of myself has been solely based on the opinions of the people around me.
My sisters always have a way of building me up and often times when I have done something which disappoints them I find that I too am disappointed.The same is true for my mum and dad.
This then means that the people who you think are important to you in your life,thier opinion matters to you to the point that your identity start to form around their opinions of you.

I hope I haven’t lost you here…stay with me now.

The danger is then in taking opinions of negative people who you think are important to you.
It’s easy not to care when someone says a negative thing about you when you already know they don’t like you anyway,they “haters” and “I don’t have time for that”, “am not the one” that don’t bother you so much.
But the issue comes in when someone pretends to like you when they really hate you and you think their opinions come from a place of love but it’s all coming from a hateful place and u begin to form an identity around this and their opinions.

It’s funny,these people will be picking their teeth after they have had thier pound of flesh from you,please bring me a word of comfort,speak medicine and life into my soul ….am already getting here,but you full.

The issue of mid life crisis
as best described by my friend http://dietrying999.wordpress.com Brings me to a revelation as to what happens.Essesiantialy it is the opinion of those around you and the media that tells you that your hair is receding and the belly is getting bigger and the energy isn’t what it used to be …,you are having a mid life crisis ah!! the power of suggestion which I would further describe as an

Identity crisis………who are you?

I just wonder who influences your identity? who do you let define who you are?

It’s often those who are around us,in a subtle way this happens and before you know it you are defined in a certain way :-

Young,beautiful,successful,intelligent,witty,clever smart,rich,driven,loving,kind,cheerful.

Or

Old,grumpy,hateful,liar,fat&ugly,crazy,foolish,idiotic,failure, etcetera

And before you know it you start to believe this and miss your destiny and abandon your dreams.

I present this to you
You are not your job,not your family,not your issues,not where you live or where you are from,you are not what you do.But most importantly you are not who they say you are.
Take control take charge of your life,no ones knows you better than you .They are not there when you are crying yourself to sleep or when you are about to jump off a bridge or when you sit alone in a dark empty room and wonder “how did I get here?”
Your opinion about yourself should be what shaped your identity not anyone else’s.

If you can’t shut them up,shut them out.

Your life is your own be mindful of how you walk it.You cannot tell me how to walk my walk, I ll take your advice but in the end this is my walk my destiny.

Stop being handled and handle your life,the most tragic thing is living a lie that someone professed on your life.

So today I ask you who are you listening to? who is influencing your life? Or should I say who are you allowing to influence you?

Identity crisis …… ………who are you?

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I love you ………but sometimes!

“I thought she was an intruder when I shot through the door”Oscar Pistorius-

This is the comment I heard this morning as I sat on the M1 sipping a coffee,as I reached for the radio while stuck in traffic.As gloomy as the morning is rainy typical of the UK the car is warm and comfortable,yes the Germans do indeed make good vehicles.But something does not sit well with me.Hearing about this case of the South African athlete who claims to have accidentally shot his girlfriend to death,something in me just doesn’t settle quite well.

But it’s more than that,I have in fact upset my other half,and every part of me feels it.

Let me just say as far as this case goes,I do not wish to speculate on this guy’s guilt or innocence,a family lost their daughter/sister/friend/niece and my heart goes out to them,in due time they will get the closure and justice but that still won’t replace the loss.

This just got me thinking as to why we hurt eachother and say hurtful and hateful things to one another that it drives us to the point that we can take a life.
Now I was going to walk into judgement and say “oh no not me” but then I recall some times when my frustration hits the roof and I need to take a “time out” not that I have anger issues but I do at times get angry,someone said to me once that if you don’t believe the devil exist next time you are acting crazy go look in the mirror quickly and you are sure to see one.

I love you……..but sometimes!

Perhaps it is my fault that I said something silly and have upset you,but still the passive aggression has to go.Often I will ask “baby what is wrong?” and I will get “nothing” when I know you are gearing up for payback.
Women have a subtle creative way of making you pay for your mistakes,for as any man knows when she looks at you like that,oh you in trouble and sooner or later you gonna pay.

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I’d just rather we settled this right now,yes I am silly I am a man after all and we are not the smartest gender.I just wondered what posses people to enter into conflict with their other halves.I look around me and it’s everywhere,a couple arguing in the Que in the coffee shop,others clearly shouting at one another in the car (must be the traffic).

Oh help me here,I should be smarter than this,there is some grovelling to be done,only this time flowers aren’t going to cut it,I must admit I was wrong though I still feel she should have known better,that’s the struggle.

Now I love you ………….but sometimes!

As our days are …..so is our strenght

Its a cold pain,a chill you feel right in your bones -limbiley-

There is nothing more imaginable like the pain of loss,we have all lost things before but I doubt many appreciate the pain of loosing something that is connected to you.Your fresh and blood.That which is a part of you or at least could have been.

This weekend was beautiful,in the middle England on a cold Saturday morning a man treks through the cold weather with a bag on his shoulder,he has been away and she doesn’t expect him to return home just yet.He has managed to catch the 5:11 transport out just to be with her,if only for that weekend,upon arrival he then rings her and says “look out your window” and a joy spurns in his heart as he sees her red painted fingernails draw the curtains.Much of their day is spent in the shops and they get to meet family and friends,its a productive day.Later these two lovers in essence prepare for a Sunday service,as he irons her grey shirt he is greatful and thankful to heaven for not only the iron but for giving him someone to iron for,in matching suits they step out.All is well and it is good,its obvious the Love and peace is flourishing.

Fast forward a few hours later he must leave her again Because circumstance demands it,Now this is where it gets complicated.You see now on the transport back he gets a txt from a friend,this guy has a wife at home and she is expecting a child,and his txt is thus “i am at the hospital with the mrs” eagerly he answers back congratulating them,cos in essence the water broke and we should be welcoming a new life into the world.

He boast to his other half that he left behind and they jokingly but seriously wonder and consider when this will be them,celebrating and welcoming a new life of their own.

It is not until later that the friend messages back with the words “sorry mate,we lost him my son is gone” they suffered a miscarriage,at 8+ months.

At this point I know that there was a life kicking and very much alive but its gone now,my hopes are dashed and I end arguing with the very person who I was planning to share that experience with,she is my sarah,my other half,my promise,my meet from God, but still I am afraid, coz you see now am afraid of how its going to be should the very thing that happened to my friend happens to us.

He calls me later 0800 hours he seems okay and I admire his braveness,but deep down I know he is hurting,such pain cuts deep and its a chill that sets in the bones.

I could only comfort him as best I know how,with the word of the Lord.

I then remember something else,as our days are so is our strength,so I was praying the wrong prayer,the evil worrysome day is upon us,how do we get through it?

as our days are ………..so is our strength.

Ur woman; a helper or hindrance? What do you do when the other half is a Haggar?

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And the Lord God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.Gen 2 v 18

So it is then established that it is not good for man or woman to be alone,but wait a minute now why is it so often that the very half that we can’t live without is often the very half that influences us to do well let’s just say that which we would not do had we stayed in and watched a football game with the boys,or had we golfed it.I of course am speaking from a male point of view which being one isn’t so hard.

Curious then that when I look around me I see most marriages/relationships that your doom/absolve lies in who you end up with.

Now don’t get me wrong here but in his quest for man to find a wife he most often finds a knife.

Notice I said quest meaning the journey to marriage which covers all relationships in general.In my pondering while looking at my own life,friends,colleagues and history itself the biggest downfall of a man has always been a woman! Oh I feel something here.Wars were started, entire cities fell,blood brothers killed eachother,credit scores ruined all because of this beautiful creature called a woman, I need some help here.

As men we should know better but we don’t,check this out;

Eve: influenced Adam to bite the fruit.

Sarah:influenced Abram to have Ishmael and She even laughed at God once.

Jezebel: well had some influence on her husband’s relentless pursuit and killing of prophets.

Job’s wife:told him to curse God and die.

Helen of Troy: Greek mythology so beautiful her abduction brought on the Trojan war.

Cleopatra:her beauty was equally marched with her conquest of strong and powerful men.

Your ex/ current other half:………….

It then occurs to me that a man’s success and happiness is as determined by the woman in his life.Coz look if your woman is willing to overgo a couple of extravagant Christmases so that the business can do well in year 1 then you have been lucky indeed and she will be smiling all the way to the shoe shop later on.
Conversely I have seen a few men whose credit score has been ruined,the business has disappeared,others are working just as hard trying to keep 2 families afloat for once divorced and remarried one has 2 families he just doesn’t get to see the other one much if at all.

It is my conclusion then that a woman is this powerful,beautiful,God laughing,serpent speaking(what was eve thinking anyway talking to a snake?) influential man pulling creature.A kryptonite if you will,which has the ability to bring even super-man to his knees.

This then makes me wonder for when I look at Sarah though she was the ideal one still had her faults but when I look at Haggar she is the one you are attracted to for all the wrong reasons but just can’t seem to help yourself,and this always ends badly (for you the man that is) there is always a price to pay turmoil,emotional pain,financial pain,spiritual and even mental anguish to physical pain at times (or most times lol, depends)

So the question is and still remains ……

……a woman:a helper or a hindrance and what do you do when your other half is a Haggar?

you can’t handle the truth……….its double jeopardy

Love the sinner hate the sin -Christians-

Yes Sin,oh the struggles with sin and sinfulness,sin conciousness,the conviction and condemnation.Often I have heard it from veteran Christians,  it was clear to me that their understanding was quite flawed in their interpretation.Not so much to the statement but what followed after.

This left me with more guilt and condemnation,the last thing I wanted to do was pray.Curious because those that preached this to me seemed to suffer from the very same syndrome.OH this sin thing has kept Christians in bondage for ages.

My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children.-Hosea 4 v 6

Not only will your ignorance cause you harm ,you face the danger of rejecting the true message (by your lack of knowledge) and in your misunderstanding you will also discourage and deceive others.My my my if only Jesus saw you now in the flesh “Christians” How long would he suffer ye?

 

The bible being the mind of God in print,I consulted it.But furthermore I prayed for grace,wisdom and revelation, that in my getting such wisdom I also get understanding.

In my getting,in his sovereignty he brought me to a court room,at first I was confused.Then I recalled a movie I saw once. A few good men, quickly I recalled the  double jeopardy rule (no connection yet).These were to tie in beautifully for me later on in the day.

Stay with me now….For I cant truly do this piece justice until we address the core and that’s sin.

 

Sin

For the interest of space and time look it up if you don’t know what it is.

Effects of sin

-Loss of (but not limited to): (i) Relationships (ii)loss of fellowship with God (iii)ministry/titles/position (iv)loss of rewards etc.

-Sin is harmful to others

But above all else Sin dishonours God.

Perhaps this the most important of all. The person  I honour the most on earth is my Dad,this stops me from doing certain things because I know some of my decisions, my faults and failings will be a reflection of my father and of how he raised me.The man I have become is a reflection of the man who he was in my life when I was growing up.

The notion of honour is widely understood throughout different cultures too.Take the American Marine Corps their motto is semper fi ( Fidelis) latin for “always faithful/always loyal”.Ancient Japanese warriors the samurai would commit seppuku a ritual suicide (sticking a sword through the belly) which would satisfy their bushido (a code of honour) rather than face punishment, humiliation and defeat would rather die.In star trek there is an alien warrior race called the klingons and these are vicious battle minded race  who consider dying in battle an honour and an old  aged klingon is at times flowed upon.”perhaps today is a good day to die” wolf. Okay okay too much. But you get the idea how far honour is important.And you as a Christian should rather die than sin but thank God for Jesus we don’t have to die. 

 

The fact is:

You will sin oh yes no matter who you are saved or not you will sin.

It is purely because of  your sinful nature from birth,what matters is what you do from that state of sin that matters.You are in fact in a court room guilty of sin.Lets see how this plays out.

The judge:

God

God is the Judge. (S)He is just and cool. Yes God is cool,  he is therefore then  Justice because  he is Just and cool  as ice = Just+ice = Justice …….anybody?no?……..okay, tough audience whew!

The prosecutor:

Satan 

“And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, Now is come salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of his Christ: for the accuser of our brethren is cast down, which accused them before our God day and night”. –Rev 12 v 10

Now this one is relentless,your adversary,the accuser of the brethren you will not bring him down on your own.His track record speaks for itself he brought down Eve with deception in the garden,King David fell victim to lust from bethsheba that caused him to murder an innocent man,oh king Solomon the wisest of them all fell and started worshipping idols and in recent times look at Judas after he finished with him through greed this time,the man hanged himself next through guilt and condemnation . Indeed when he strokes you he is about to strike you.

So be sober minded vigilant you don’t compare.

The defence attorney:

Jesus Christ the advocate

The son of man the captain of my salvation the kinsman redeemer, my lord, my saviour, oh I could go on all day, the scroll opener,the son of righteousness.

It is undisputed Jesus died on the cross for us,for our sins and he rose up from hell conquering death:

Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us. Rom 8 v 34-

Who better to defend you than he who paid for the very crime that you are being charged with?He has done the time for you already the punishment paid in full,why are you even in court?Formalities the law has to be followed, God is just and respects principles you will have due process but still the process must ran.

This is why you need you some Jesus.

  

 

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In the movie  a few good men Tom cruise went hard on Jack Nicholson’s character just like the enemy will accuse Christians,(and sometimes misinformed Christians towards eachother and unbelievers/backsliders) you need to be bold in you answer and tell him ” you can’t handle the truth!!” earlier on in the movie he told Tom cruise’s character how he was so bad,dangerous and unafraid of him. He said:

“I eat breakfast 300 yards from 4000 Cubans, who are trained to kill me, so don’t think for one second that you can come down here, flash your badge and make me nervous.”

You should tell the devil:

“I make my coffee every morning,eat cereals and porridge oats with my cup of tea along side Jesus in my kitchen.The shower I am in is guarded by angels so don’t think you can come in here with your demons and make me nervous” 

But you need you some Jesus,that alone without Jesus wont be enough,they can’t convict you or condemn you with something that Jesus already paid for. That’s double jeopardy.

God is just he wont allow that.To those that struggle with sin conciousness the very plague even in the church, no, the very plague especially in the church ,do me a favour confess, repent and get on with your life walking with God.Guilt and condemnation are not from God.

Confession (n) is to simply agree with,to admit,to acknowledge,be of the same mindset,

For continued fellowship (walking intimately with God by active faith) sin is to be removed by God through confession. Then you are forgiven.

Note however this is not a license to sin 

So shall we then continue to sin ?

“What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase?By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?” -Rom 6 v 1-2- 

The point of repentance is that you highlight  the wrong doing in an effort not to continue doing it and this is why this is important:

Dangers of continued sinning ; (i) treats sins lightly and ignores its evil destructive potential and consequences both on God’s glory and our fellow man (ii) ignores God’s primary plan for us to transform us into Christ like image (iii)It ignores and forgets God’s discipline (iv) misses the whole point of confession which is confess to identify and stop the sin.

 

And if anyone or anything including yourself tells you otherwise here is the answer you should have…

you can’t handle the truth……………….its double jeopardy.

The wiseman,the ex and the six locks.

“They say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder and lightning”        -Clint Eastwood- 

This is the man who is dirty harry,he was blondie the baddest gunslinger in wild west,he protected the president in.In the line of fire and he even trained the million dollar baby,and if he said this then what hope is there for the average man?

“you feeling lucky punk? well do ya?” 

Anywhoo! This weekend I was helping out a friend move some stuff out of storage.since I was there he just took the opportunity to pick up other bits he had stored up at another household in the vicinity.Upon arrival I recognized the neighborhood and I had a funny feeling of which home we were heading to, it belonged to one of the wisemen who has since sadly after  my last post  get it right the first time  here has separated from his other half.(and no it wasn’t coz of me or my posts at least I hope not 😦 we were all shocked).

My nervousness was due to the fact that our last encounter with her wasn’t pretty at all,she was understandably upset it was a difficult time for her, chucking her husband out and throwing a few things out behind him.

To my surprise she welcomed us with open hands with a smile underneath all that hurt.I could tell I have seen a hurting woman or two in my lifetime,but what captured me was her transformation she was calm and collected for which I gave  her credit for and I just assumed  during that time everything was overheated.

Fast forward a few hours later I was getting ready to be heading home,my friend told me he had forgotten something,reluctantly I agreed to go back with him and there it was. Chaos, a fight brewing,the wiseman had returned to pick up some of his belongings he had left behind and lets just say it was not a pretty sight.She was completely transformed into something else clearly his presence had changed her entirely.We left.

On the drive back “did you notice the extra locks on the door?” I asked my friend trying to lighten the mood.“yeah” he went “you know she must not feel safe being alone in such a big house,and people know she is alone there so…”

“Yes bra, but there must’ve been about 6 of those things, think that was for him?” I responded to him.

“well she is smart,she probably only locks each other lock in the row and since they are 6 of them,  whoever is trying to pick them  will be locking the other unlocked ones and tada  unsuccessful”  he joked, of course he must have stolen that somewhere but his delivery  was timeless I couldn’t help but laugh after the joke had sank.

This really got me thinking about separations and the bitterness that follows between couples.In my experience its usually the woman’s choice that forces the man out the house or decide to break the relationship up. Seldom has it been the man’s choice.

Of course my observations are merely reflecting on the things I see around friends,colleagues,acquaintances,relations,the community at large etc etc  and being a man I would like to share my confusion from a male perspective.

Let me just say I am condoning any kind of abuse if the woman decided to take such measures to protect herself she is obviously justified or for whatever reason,he was lazy,she just wasn’t happy,the love was gone, hey could be a million reasons I am not interested in that,what interests me is the reaction in the aftermath.

The fact is women are more angry and the more bitter and emotional and uncivil, in-agreeable and not amicable at all.I do not mean to offend or generalize.Of course some men are as equally bad but they are mainly spiteful in their hurt.Thats not to excuse them.

I see men as simple creatures for the most part, a man in a relationship if its good,even if nothing else in his life is right,he still feels like his whole world is complete. There could be a 10.5 earthquake outside and they wouldn’t worry, after all I am in love with a good woman.

We learn to keep our mouths shut generally and we will open  doors,of course this is when we realize you were Miss Right when we met and we thought you would be Mrs Right only you forgot to mention your first name was always.  

But often men will stick around though the situation is difficult, its a better the devil you know the kind of  thing where you stay in your mess as long as you know what to expect,than be in a position where you have left and do not know what to expect on the outside world.

Yes conflict will always arise some great writers observed that:

A good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf husband.

Honoré de Balzac. 

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

Sacha Guitry.

Marriage is like a cage; one sees the birds outside desperate to get in, and those inside equally desperate to get out.

Michel de Montaigne 

A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished. (lol)

Zsa Zsa Gabor  (okay okay this one is an actress.)

Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn’t they’d be married too.

H.L Mencken

Indeed falling in love and having a relationship are very too different things.And the secret to a happy marriage remains a secret,and behind every man, great or not, is a woman rolling her eyes.The advice then given to me by my mentor in college  not to get married soon afterwards as he explained it at the time “every perspective employer would see how prone to making mistakes you are seeing as you have made a major one already”.

Truth is people change and forget to tell eachother about it.My thoughts are further confirmed by Oscar Wilde who said:

How can a woman be expected to be happy with a man who insists on treating her as if she were a perfectly normal human being.

 

I need some help here, why so angry when in fact it was your choice in the first place ?

Where is the hostility coming from?

Why do you hate me so much? You are not the only one hurting here.

Now I love you all my sisters out there, but sometimes your gender confuses me.

 

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher

Socrates. 

I suppose most are doomed to becoming philosophers, in the meantime I sit here confused as I wonder about;

the wiseman,the ex and the six locks.

 

Thou shall not worship iphone

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It was the first day of 2014, in a crowded  family room and one the wisemen in my family asked the screaming young ones in an effort to settle them down,that if they collectively name the 10 commandments they would get a treat. It was then that my 5 yr old cousin went “you shall not worship iphone.” We all paused then burst out laughing,obviously confused he went  “yes! mommy told me”.

This on the drive back home got me thinking about  idols in general.

They say home is where the wi-fi connects,thus if you enter any household and the wi-fi connects you are in fact home.This then means that where you get home and the shopping is put down then afterwards its settling down time when everyone gathers in the living room for a little family time.The TV comes on and after a few minutes you notice no one is fighting over the remote or on what to watch and it is in fact 4 or more of you present. Curious because the TV is as much 3D as it is Smart  and  measuring at about 51 inches,it should be an attractive notion to look at,I am thinking.

Now this is odd to me because growing up there would always be a fight for the old  TV,one wants to watch Michael Jackson on the VHS,the other wants to play a game on the Sega,but its news time etc etc.

Upon further inspection you realise you are on your smart phone and your other half on hers/his.The other 2 are equally as engaged in their own activities one is their on handheld games console and the other ones are just as busy on the several tablet in the household (naturally).The TV is just  there  purely to guide you where the furniture points towards.Perhaps a little background noise with all these +boxes,+decoders,recordable gadgets no one really watches TV like before,at least I don’t.

Looking at my phone and seeing how much time I spend on it was an eye opener,though I don’t worship my phone per se, it got me thinking about how Israel was taking God’s gifts given to them and using the very same blessings to worship other gods with.

I refer to the time they melted all the jewellery they had and made a golden calf out of that.(I find it interesting that the very first tablet was broken at this point, remember Moses threw the tablets in anger and they broke, hidden message perhaps?I don’t know.) Now don’t go getting excited throwing  all your  gadgets around now breaking everything in sight, now that would just be silly,and I am not saying they are evil either.People do evil,Gadgets ………not so much.

 

 

 IDOLATRY:

 In theology it is the worship of idols, In general others define it as great devotion, reverence or excessive admiration.
 
I wonder just by solely on the definitions above, what is your idol?
To some of us its our other half,to others its our jobs,others its money,others its our car,others their kids,or is it that rock/rap/pop star(bieber anybody?),a single malt,jimmy choos,could be that PS4 that’s causing all the fights already coz you up till 6am,could be the girl in the next office cubicle,or the Starbucks guy that got you buying Cappuccinos and you don’t even drink coffee.
So what is your idol?
 to quote Joshoua 24v15 As for me and my house we will serve the lord. So I say to you all
                      thou shall not worship iphone (lol).
 
 
 
 
 
Disclaimer:I used the iphone, Playstation for illustrative purposes only and because I  do own and use such  said products  while I  personally see them to be superior products than their  rival counter parts, this is just a personal view only and is not meant to be taken as a form of advert/promotion of said products.Neither do I deem such products as EVIL or  of any  such influence.Definitely not a pair of shoes and certainly not Justin B :).
               Happy 2014  to you all,its gonna be a great year.
Disclaimer
      

What do you do when God isn’t funny

GOD HAS MADE ME TO LAUGH AND THOSE THAT HEAR WILL LAUGH WITH ME
-Sarah the wife of Abraham in genesis 21v6 said this just after a blessing from God. –

I want to reflect on the unfairness or what it would seem,this might be a little heavy just after Christmas but nonetheless life goes on.

Notice now then, two sisters who are from the same parents raised in the same household,both are married to equally good men,one has 4 children and just finished telling her sister that she is pregnant again,and her sister has mixed feelings about being happy for her sibling over her own sadness seeing as she has been on IVF treatments for the past 10 yrs and nothing has come of it…she is in fact hurting here and it’s no laughing matter.

Isn’t it funny though how the richer keep getting richer and the fat fatter and the dumb ones well you guessed it.

I have always believed every single thing happens for a reason; a cause and effect kind of thing and I just can’t accept the “things just happen” stance,my brain just can’t accept that.
This led me to a situations where things would happen I couldn’t quite explain with the cause and effect theory for as a man I too have done things which I couldn’t explain why I did them I just “did them”.Some might say that is in fact being human.

As a great apostle once observed:
“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.”

So then I conclude that “something” made me do it and it wasn’t just my insanity but there was a cause for the decision I “chose” to take that lead to that particular effect.This then means that nothing “just happens” there is a reason behind the madness.

Now I hope you are still with me up to this point,I don’t wanna lose you just yet..there is a point to all this.

If I am then created in his image then this should at least reflect that if a lesser being such as myself has been given a measure of intelligence to discern subjects like these,then my Almighty Lord God the creator of heavens and earth he who knows all has already seen this,figured it out and knows the reasons why things are happening this way.
I cannot come upon him and be calous and ask childish questions in strife, oh no! that would be foolishness and I know better than that.

But nonetheless a part of me still finds this situation not funny, I am hurting here and what I seek is wisdom and revelation, to, at least understand why what is happening is happening and in this fashion.What purpose does it serve for a man who has so much already to be given more while those that have so little continue to remain in such a needy state if not worse.

It is not that I don’t trust him and in him or that I have lost my faith oh no,I am still here for stronger is he that is in me that he that is in the world and for that very reason something inside me is so strong, I am still standing ……(just).

For my faith isn’t dead and I can show you my works that are a corresponding action to such faith I practice,after all I have been taking the injections,kept the marriage counselling appointments,have been sending out the CV like crazy,been talking to this teenage child of mine that’s acting a fool,praying for this wife to stop hitting me,and for that husband to get it together ……..I have tried it all,and yet the drunk gets away with that hit and run,and the crooked keep filling those pockets,what am I missing here oh Lord?!

I am hurting here.

I remember that

For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.

And the word continues

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord.

This indicates to me not to think myself smarter than he who gave me wisdom.So I use that very wisdom to act in intelligence by choosing to believe his promise,follow the instructions and simply WALK BY FAITHand not trust what the circumstances look like.

But I am hurting here oh Lord.

God has made me laugh and all that hear will laugh with me.

so it is not strange for him to make me laugh too.

So I then wonder:-

What do you do when God’s isn’t funny?

The “real” Christmas Day the 26th

Now that that’s over with;
The fake people, fake affections, polite conversations, it all starts to creep back up and real life begins to return but it really won’t hit till early January.

A fellow blogger pointed out something about Xmas that reflected my feelings completely,how she put it again? oh yeah “cruella deville all year long and want to smile at Xmas”. All this stuff  about its a special time of year that we show our loved ones that we truly care and appreciate them makes me sick.Question comes to mind then that isn’t this something we should be doing all year round anyway?

I mean I don’t need a special day to prove to my loved ones that I care about them and fellas if you are using this day to show how much you care for your ladies/family then something is wrong there as it is equally for the ladies who put a spread and look after everyone for this day alone then after the presents and dinner is done its back to you now who,to the family members that will go back to ignoring each other all year round till yeah ……..you guessed it,next Xmas.

Now I do believe periods like this and birthdays, anniversaries should not go unmarked and uncelebrated,it just has to be for the right reasons.We live in a society today where everyone is looking for an excuse to either party or celebrate something to justify spending money.

We have an office party,hair,nails,dress,new tux,refit the kitchen.

My cat made a friend gonna throw a do invite the neighbourhood.You get the idea ridiculous stuff.

Clearly Christmas has lost its true meaning a long time ago,I mean its all about people rushing in bad moods in shopping, family members getting  together exchanging presents,eating,drinking and that’s it really. I do  however take advantage of today,its a day for me that sales are on and I see it as my real Christmas day,and it has a been a tradition of mine to go out spending and get whatever I want as long as I can get a good deal then why not?

Its a relief,you should be able to just get out there at  any time of the year and get what you want if you can afford it of course,same goes for showing love for one another,why wait for a “special day” these are things that should be done everyday,anyway.

Makes me loathe Christmas day  for what society  has made it  become and what it represents,the way it changes people really evil on the days before (especially in rushed last minutes shopping cause you just cant turn up without a present now can you?) and extremely pleasant on the day then,well back again yo yoing around,I can’t stand that and people like that.

Where are all the real people gone to these days?

So today I go forth and keep the tradition going to get something ridiculously priced just coz I can,no excuses,no pressure as today is my “real Christmas day the 26th”

Suppose I am alone in this.I wonder what other’s do today besides fight and be depressed ,or return the kid(s).It can be a sad time of year.

What do you do when the other half doesn’t get the memo?

THEY SAY A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS
Please observe the images below as a man regardless of his status in the world talks to another woman a little too much while the other half is present.
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Yes,yes she gets “the look” (middle picture) and the man changes seats.
I find it very interesting that regardless of who we are in the world,we all are faced with similar issues and if any men are out there you know once that she has “that look” oh!! you better change seats and shut your mouth and even though you live in the white house soon as you get home you in the dog house.

On a my last post I had great insights that raised more questions that it answered but nonetheless a few were answered and revelation was brought.

ITS NOT ABOUT YOU ALL YOU CAN IS LOVE.ITS NOT ABOUT YOU BUT ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON.ITS NOT ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN GET OUT OF IT BUT RATHER WHAT YOU CAN PUT INTO IT.

Now all these are noble statements ones that I have churned myself and heard and admired.Nobility,.. yes,yes to be noble.

Then further into my quest in the cyberworld I came across this:
“WHEN SOMEONE MAKES YOU SUFFER IT IS BECAUSE THEY TOO SUFFER DEEPLY WITHIN THEMSELVES AND THEIR SUFFERING IS SPILLING OVER.THEY DO NOT NEED PUNISHING,THEY NEED HELP THIS IS THE MESSAGE THEY ARE SENDING”

Now here, if I am in this situation this then puts me in a position open to abuse and toxicity,for I cannot truly stand in this commotion and not be scaved somehow.Sooner or later I will get marked and my attempts to diffuse the negativity with positivity are more likely to be taken advantage of and mistaken for stupidity and weakness birthing the results of more sufferings on my part,consequently the message I am trying to send has been lost in translation and misconstrued completely.
Funny how easily this happens I am sure most of us have been guilty of this countless times.

I then realise the primary source of our confusion is we send the message hoping the other half will understand and extrapolate the contents of the message there sent and though it may not be in written form,the fact that we have a bond and a relationship it is then a form of communication that by any rights is legally,emotionally, verbally and gesticulatory binding, yes, yes, hence a memo of sorts.

Now what do you do then when the other half doesn’t get the memo?
For years you have been pouring out, giving your all,sacrificing,being there, supporting,understanding and now you are tired,the easy is answer is hang in there but you are tired of hanging in and on,sick and tired of being sick and tired.And your problems got problems of their own.I am hoping a wiser person will come to the rescue here,(not to me personally BTW its all good ATM 😉 of course status of such is subjected to change after this post lol, hope not).
But in all seriousness I wish I could find the answer to this doomer of relationships.
The answer right now is I DONT KNOW hence the question:
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN THE OTHER HALF DOESN’T GET THE MEMO?

Inspired by the following lovely bloggers in our interactions:

dietrying999.wordpress.com This lady reminds me so much of my elder sister its shocking, inspiring lady.

ecc714.wordpress.com My main man MAO poet at heart God loving warrior.

freedomborn.wordpress.com Lovely&Strong and wise Christian couple from down under Aussie.

justmebeingcurious.com Newcastle supporter but we wont hold that against you.

askinsaneelaine.com Inspiring blog full of life