………….but God

But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive. -Joseph-

I do not think there is anybody out there who has questioned more about the things that happen in my life and thier significance.If anyone of you have read any of my post you may feel the conflict,the hurt,the confunsion,the crazyness the …….

Last couple of years have been challenging to say the least for me I experienced personal loss in any and possibly every aspect of my life.I lost people dear to me (death etc),finances,career,business,you name it I have lived it.The only thing I haven’t lost yet is my health and my mind though questions may be raised to the latter.

Its funny though I have been reflecting on how exaclty I got to this point in my life.Upon further investigation I realised that it wasn’t so much how? when? who? what? wherefore? … but why?
And then I found the answer to this wonderful question.All this time I just was wondering running around quite the headless chicken.And the answer was right under my nose.
Dont you just love it when it all comes together!!!!

The reason I have had a hard time these years is ………..drum roll………I dont know.
I do not know.

What I know is that throughout all this I have had a but God moment.
Everyone has something in them that will not allow them to give up or give in.No matter what your beliefs are. I know everybody beleives in a higher power of some kind.

I find it funny,remember the last time you hit that little toe on the door? hurt like hell didn’t it? whose name did you call out to? or that time you were stuck in traffic and late for work you went Oh my …..

Anyway whatever your beleifs its not important, I just saw something through my tough times,I had a but God moment.Looking deeper I saw several times/situations when & where things could have gotten worse but they didn’t.These were things out of my control and there was really nothing I could do to change the trajectory,something in me just knew that it was not my doing.
Ever get the feeling you have a guardian angel?

I know another thing I was always afraid,and this fear was only visible to a perhaps only one or two people if that.On the outside everything was ok I was happy,smilling,laughing, but going to bed was a different matter all together.I was constantly afraid of loosing it all.All that which I thought had value and I couldn’t live without.And guess what? It happened.

Murphy’s law is an adage or epigram that is typically stated as: Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.-wikipedea-

As a person of faith I beleive that no matter what happens to me I will be okay,…in the end.I just thought it important to take a minute and recognise the omg moment of our lives,am talking about that moment in your life where its all going wrong and you are saying if one more thing goes wrong today …“I dont know what am gonna do”.Then something unexpected positive happens.

No matter what your personal beleifs are I am sure we have all had this moment.
Whether you credit to the Easter bunny,the tooth fairy,Zeus,budha it doesn’t really matter the moment was there regardless.

For me living without fear has allowed me to rebuild my life into that which was better before,and the pun is I can see better results in my efforts now than there ever was last 10 yrs put together.Am I back where I was before?of course not I am heading to a better place. I am in a much better place than before I have a sense of peace I never had before.And that alone was worth the price of admission.I have learnt to value that which matters the most.

I wish I could tell you there is a reason why all this stuff happens, I don’t know that.
I wish I could tell you its an easy time going through transformation I would be lying…it hurts.
I wish I could tell you you wont be confunsed,but you will be,even more so than before its a process.

All I can say is keep going,when you are in a desert keep walking.Nothing lasts forever.No matter what life throws at you,even and especialy the bad negative bits,though they were meant for evil…………………..

……………………………..but God.

Advertisements

….stay strong for 5 more minutes.

“Keep watching and praying that you may not enter into temptation; the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” -Jesus Christ-

Aaahh!! yes the flesh is indeed weak.This particular text comes from a time where the disciples were sleeping instead of keeping watch with Jesus while he went to pray,just an hour past and yes, they were fast asleep.This got me thinking as I reflected my own dilemma to a situation that transpired on the weekend.In my quest for answers I engaged a muse(and I bet she is smiling now as she reads this……. ūüôā ). I also meditated,pondered,prayed and procrastinated on ¬†the temptation to act.

I always find it easier to use illustrations to make or at least to try and make a point, but still putting the idea across,so please if you would indulge me:

If you have ever bought a car used or new, perhaps one of the important things is specs,among other things.

Anyway specs,follow me here, the car is as beautiful as a car can be, the body work is flawless in its design,the paint work is marvellous,the head lights which are the eyes and the windows to the soul are as piercingly bright as they are engaging.You get on board and are met with the aroma,that essence that just gives you peace,the interior is leather,all black and sitting there you say to yourself ¬†“I belong here,its a match made in heaven” ¬†¬†

Once a  wisemen said all that glitters in not gold so then I proceed to examine the engine,the car is started up and the engine being the brain essentially is just as flawless as the bodywork.Even the sound which is the voice is like that of a singing angel. Oh I must have this car.

My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him  (psalms 62 v 5) 

The natural impulse is to try and get this car straight up,though the scripture above would have me be sure and wait a bit.Further more whether I get it or not depends on the negotiations with the dealer (that’s the other tricky part see?) but all I know is I need a car.

“The opportunity to secure ourselves against defeat lies¬†in our own hands, but the opportunity of defeating the enemy is provided¬†by the enemy himself.‚ÄĚ -Sun Tzu-

I heard this story about a confederate general in American civil war.The numbers were even,skills were equal so were the weapons used, death was all around but in the end his side was victorious.Later when asked how he was able to win a battle that was so evenly matched. All he had to say was “we held and pressed on for 5 minutes longer” ¬†

My car illustration serves as something you want in life a dream,a holiday destination,a different job, whatever.I don’t want this for evil on the contrary,and it is within my grasp.

Make no mistake whatever obstacle you have in your life towards your dream is an enemy and should be treated as such.Learn the importance of waiting for right time.You know you best,but no one knows you better more, than God knows you,God has better on your best.So be diligent and wait on God’s perfect timing but knowing this however is a challenge in itself.

Even in the world these ideas are reflected again by Sun Tzu who said:

“He who is prudent and lies in wait for an enemy who is not,will be victorious.”

Note the order of the words (i)Prudent: acting with or showing care and thought for the future                                                                       (ii)waiting          (iii)victory.

In my situation there was nothing wrong with wanting the car but when you operate in the flesh you are at danger of falling asleep, picked apart by vultures and making mistakes. My dilemma falls in the balance do I get the car or do I not? I understand the importance of perseverance but I also know the danger of too much self effort that lacks guidance. 

Apostle Paul nailed it best:

“The flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against
the flesh; and these are contrary the one to the  other; so
that ye cannot do the things that ye would.” Gal 5 v 17.

There is always going to be conflict,I need some answers here,this struggle puts me at risk of being indecisive for sometimes inaction is in fact a form of taking action and I may see my dream car being driven off by another buyer.What do you do when you don’t know what to do.¬†

In the meantime  do I go and get mine? or do I wait? what if that which I want to get  gets got? (pardon the lingo).   

In my quest to victory I………¬†

stay strong for 5 more minutes. 

The “real” Christmas Day the 26th

Now that that’s over with;
The fake people, fake affections, polite conversations, it all starts to creep back up and real life begins to return but it really won’t hit till early January.

A fellow blogger pointed out something about Xmas that reflected my feelings completely,how she put it again? oh yeah “cruella deville all year long and want to smile at Xmas”. All this stuff ¬†about its a special time of year that we show our loved ones that we truly care and appreciate them makes me sick.Question comes to mind then that isn’t this something we should be doing all year round anyway?

I mean I don’t need a special day to prove to my loved ones that I care about them and fellas if you are using this day to show how much you care for your ladies/family then something is wrong there as it is equally for the ladies who put a spread and look after everyone for this day alone then after the presents and dinner is done its back to you now who,to the family members that will go back to ignoring each other all year round till yeah ……..you guessed it,next Xmas.

Now I do believe periods like this and birthdays, anniversaries should not go unmarked and uncelebrated,it just has to be for the right reasons.We live in a society today where everyone is looking for an excuse to either party or celebrate something to justify spending money.

We have an office party,hair,nails,dress,new tux,refit the kitchen.

My cat made a friend gonna throw a do invite the neighbourhood.You get the idea ridiculous stuff.

Clearly Christmas has lost its true meaning a long time ago,I mean its all about people rushing in bad moods in shopping, family members getting ¬†together exchanging presents,eating,drinking and that’s it really. I do ¬†however take advantage of today,its a day for me that sales are on and I see it as my real Christmas day,and it has a been a tradition of mine to go out spending and get whatever I want as long as I can get a good deal then why not?

Its a relief,you should be able to just get out there at ¬†any time of the year and get what you want if you can afford it of course,same goes for showing love for one another,why wait for a “special day” these are things that should be done everyday,anyway.

Makes me loathe Christmas day ¬†for what society ¬†has made it ¬†become and what it represents,the way it changes people really evil on the days before (especially in rushed last minutes shopping cause you just cant turn up without a present now can you?) and extremely pleasant on the day then,well back again yo yoing around,I can’t stand that and people like that.

Where are all the real people gone to these days?

So today I go forth and keep the tradition going to get something ridiculously priced just coz I can,no excuses,no pressure as today is my “real Christmas day the 26th”

Suppose I am alone in this.I wonder what other’s do today besides fight and be depressed ,or return the kid(s).It can be a sad time of year.

The Last Samurai

20131205-600000.jpg

I was only a long train journey today and found myself just staring out the window.For some reason this movie came into my head,strange cause this first in 04 when it came out and the DVD is somewhere in storage.I am an extremely visual and auditory person and this has been rather problematic for those close to me for when I see a movie once or twice I will be reciting most of it,and that can be quite annoying or so I have been told.I don’t mean to do it but it just happens sometimes.

If you missed the movie somehow the plot is basically an American Captain who is haunted by what he has done on the battlefield and as a result he has a drinking problem,a functioning alcoholic of sorts.He is hired to train the Emperor’s soldiers in Japan as they are to fight against the Samurai.He then gets captured by the Samurai and brought back to their village and it is then that his journey starts.

Anyway,going through the movie in my head one scene among many others came to my mind was when Algren (Tom cruise’s character) was in talking to Katsumoto,the head of the samurai clan that had captured him.It went something like this:

Algren: [shouts] What do you want from me?
Katsumoto: What do you want for yourself?

This questions I have asked at times in my life frustrated with not getting any answers,thinking that God is holding me captive somewhere without me knowing what the purpose is.The more I saw the response the more light bulb went in my head.

Later on in the story Algren goes through a detox and was screaming for Sake (a Japanese alcoholic drink) and having nightmares,this was clearly a guy with demons,lets face it we all have a few of those.We see a little later slowly getting to peace with himself spiritually and mentally,he kept a diary, so a fellow blogger he was.He had this to say in it:
” This marks the longest I’ve stayed in one place since I left the farm at 17. There is so much here I will never understand. I’ve never been a church going man, and what I’ve seen on the field of battle has led me to question God’s purpose. But there is indeed something spiritual in this place. And though it may forever be obscure to me, I cannot but be aware of its power. I do know that it is here that I’ve known my first untroubled sleep in many years.”

Later on he writes:
“What does it mean to be Samurai? To devote yourself utterly to a set of moral principles. To seek a stillness of your mind. And to master the way of the sword.”

With each moment I was replacing what he was saying I instead asked “what does it mean to be a Christian?To devote yourself to a set of just morals and values.To renew your mind.And to master the Word of God.”
At this point he is suffering nightmares no more,the addiction is gone,he has finally found a measure of peace.

There are many great scenes and conversations between the two many characters,both learn from each other as evident in another conversation;
Katsumoto: You believe a man can change his destiny?
Algren: I think a man does what he can, until his destiny is revealed.

At this point I am relating more and more that before I was merely doing what I could waiting on the Lord to reveal my destiny and my purpose to me,only I didn’t know it at the time.

The ending sees Algren meeting the Emperor who at this time has a change of heart and he knew Katsumoto who at this point has been killed in battle and I find this exchange interesting:
Emperor: Tell me how he died.
Algren: I will tell you how he lived.

Like most of us the Emperor was interested in the end,but it would seem to me that Algren had opened his eyes so to speak,renewed his mind and saw that its not the end (result) that matters more but the journey.

In our walk through life we have questions,we may be broken,in pain,lonely,lost,angry,confused,bitter,broke,in addiction(and I believe addiction is not the problem in itself there is always an underlying issue,look at the relapse rates trying to cure the addiction and not dealing with what’s causing it but that’s a post in itself in the future) whatever it is,the good news is that like you too can have an ending like Algren,though it maybe a bit hard to find a Samurai clan that will help deal with your issues.You could follow my example and try God,Free of charge and 24/7 365 support,and only one prayer away through Jesus.

Right before the end credits a narration
“As for the American Captain, no one knows what became of him. Some say that he died of his wounds. Others, that he returned to his own country. But I like to think he may have at last found some small measure of peace, that we all seek, and few of us ever find.”

Wow peace we seek but only a few us find.You too can be The Last Samurai.

What do you do when God says no?

In my carnal quest to seek understanding and balance my earthly efforts and that which is given to me supernaturally,I find myself yet again struggling with accepting what looks like is obvious (mind you it just appears obvious) and that which I want/desire to come to pass.
The situiation is such that if this is meant to be the way its meant to be then it shouldn’t be this hard or at least it shouldn’t work against me the way it is.

I find I am comparing myself to one apostole who wanted a thorn removed from his side.I have on several occasions questioned why this thorn is present and what purporse it serves except to annoy and frustrate.I am not asking for diamonds nor am I asking for supernatural powers,I only seek respite so that I can walk,talk,breathe, speak and think like a regular Joe.It would then stand to reason that it is his will that I be at peace or at least I experience a measure of it,and it has to be his will because he knows the plans he has for me for a future and hope,for who among you would when his son asks for a peice of bread you would give him a stone? and if he is for us then who can be against us? …..this all attests to me that my best interests are at his heart.

So then what do you do when it all points to the fact that God is saying no?

I know deep in my heart I should just let God be God,but that does very little to ease and bring understanding to my confused soul,for this circumstance is bringing me turmoil.

So my question remains;

What do you do when God says no?

This one is on God

I have never fully embraced the idea of letting go completely.
I mean the idea of someone running my life while I watch sitting idly by is insane

Define insanity. Insert here ___________.

A Ladybird once told me that insane runs in the family.I said to her ;”wait a minute now,if you know me like you know me then you know that insanity does not run in the family but it strolls around introducing itself whilst it gets to know each member of the family personally.If anything it takes it’s time,it never runs”.

One would then conclude that I have then always been insane anyway,therefore I am in my zone.

So I say this one is on God

For you maybe sitting there mourning the loss of a Job,the house is going too,my marriage is gone,my health ain’t what is used to be and the car is making a noise even the coffee is too hot.You know you got it bad when even your cup of coffee has it in for you.

I then look on the wall and I literally and figuratively see the word restoration.

That then reminds me that if you had a Job once then you will get another one.
If you once bought a house,then you gonna get it back again
If they have left then well ….they weren’t for you coz that which is truly for you wouldn’t leave even if it could,and that which is for you has a supernatural way of finding you.
That noisy car well at least you got a car.
If it’s health I don’t know whether it’s going to be medicine or miracle healing but I just know you gonna get better.
The coffee is still a bit tricky,that may take me a minute to figure out.

No matter what it looks like I know you are going to get it back again,in one form or another.

What do you do when you are broke and broken?
-You place your order and leave the tab to your Father for;

THIS ONE IS ON GOD!!!

What do you do as you wait?

What do I do while I wait?

I will sing and praise,I will worship and I will get into the word and I will fellowship.I saw this today “faith makes things possible not easy” Yes.. Yes. We got Salvation through Faith and it was given to us by his Grace Eph 2 v 8.

Grace being a gift is given, and it is that same Grace that should see me through; for his grace is sufficient and his power is made perfect in weakness,it then stands to reason that when I am weak I am strong.But my destination is not the problem for I know where I am going and I can foresee my promise coming to fruition because Jesus said it is finished.It is not so much my unbelief or that I am allowing my circumstance to dictate my feelings and thoughts or that my faith is shaken,it is more that this is what I am in right now as I wait:

20131112-142504.jpg

What do you do when you are in this as you wait?

My concern is what condition am I going to be in when I arrive at my destination of promise.

What bruises and scars will remain from the journey?

What  were the lessons learned along the way and what will stick?

Lord I know You and I know your Word But what do I do?I am armed with all this knowledge about this situation,But yet here I am again.I trust in you,I believe and yet I feel the way I am feeling now.

So what do I do as I wait?……………

Manifestations by Faith

For faith is the substance of things hoped for,the evidence of things not yet seen,I shall continue to walk by it and not by sight.

For all prayers have been answered and Jesus declared “it is finished” on the cross.We must learn to take solace in the fact that all is done and also learn to rest in his finished works.Now this rest is not to be misplaced with laziness and inactivity, for faith without works is dead. James 2 v 14-28:”Show me your faith apart from your works, and I will show you my faith by my works”

Conversely strike the right balance between putting in your carnally led efforts to following the instructions and walking the true well lit path that God has set for you Psalms 23; “He leads me in paths of righteousness
for his name’s sake.” Your works do not make you righteous for righteousness was given to you freely the day u got saved,it’s not to be earned.Your good works are evidence of your salvation and obedience. It may feel like this struggle is all about you but it’s not. God has this.Rest assured your hurt and pain Jesus relates,he has been there,felt it during his time on earth; he’s been beaten,rejected,betrayed,hungry,tempted,mocked,belittled,taken for granted,hurt&bruised.He even thought he couldn’t handle the hand dealt to him and asked God; “hey Dad you know this cup right? Could you let it pass me by, am just saying you know,like it’s way too much you know what am saying?” Okay maybe not quite in that manner but you get the drift.So there isn’t anything new to God all knowing all seeing and you are not alone.

So why you still waiting?
Where is your blessing?Where is your manifestation?All this time and what?:Nothing!

Well seek ye first the kingdom and all these things will be added on to you,its easy just follow his instructions to the letter,His word,read it meditate on it and exercise patience.God is no respecter of persons.
In everything you do put God first and watch what happens.

It’s not instant
It’s not an easy fix
It’s not an easy life
But what you gonna do? walk it alone?

Walk by Faith not by sight
And see Manifestations come to pass.

God bless you in your wilderness,in your deserts as you wait.
Keep the Faith ya all&stay strong.
Balance is key.

20131110-153809.jpg

He died for us.It is finished.