Though he slay me………

“I will continue to have hope in The Lord“–Job–

I wonder was this a man with absolute understanding and deep in revelation of God and his ways?
Was it his faithfulness that let him utter out such statements even in the midst of trouble?

See here is my problem with this situation,for a man a mere mortal to be in such a position and still hope I can only speculate about the amount of Gods grace that surrounded him otherwise how else? How else would he get through something like this?
So I know we need the grace.

Here comes the challenge like peter went fishing after Christ had died,most of us return to what is familiar to us which most stems from our past.
Trouble then becomes that doesn’t work and at times most of our old ways are sinful.
Further then sin in its nature only serves to unravel our lives and we pay for the consequences in our natural lives for how can we do bad and not reap bad?

Hope
For faith is the substance/material of things hoped for,evidence of what we cannot see.
Faith without works (corresponding action)is dead according to scripture.
For us to achieve victory we need Gods direction which will only stem from a word of God spoken over our lives.

So then what does one do when all you have been hoping for is falling apart?

All I can say is ……..

Though he slay me …….

Lord help me…help me …help myself for I have a hardened heart

For they considered not the miracle of the loaves: for their heart was hardened–mark 6 v 52-

Often I have wondered how people who walked and witnessed the wonders and miracles performed by Jesus Christ would still be amazed at how he could still walk on water after just feeding 5000 men (excluding women and children),among healing the sick,the blind and water into wine thingy.

Little did I know I was about to get my answer in the most painful way and have to live it.
I like Israelites and Peter boasted.One of them proclaimed “whatever u command us to do we shall do“ and the other said “I will never leave u Lord never forsake you,oh no…not moi”
The first led to the law of Moses being introduced at Mt Sinai and 3000 of them died the latter denied knowing him 3 times..Did they “eat” their words.
Fast forward 2000 years + later and am eating mine.

See am having a Jerry Maguire moment right now but instead of shouting the infamous “show me the money ” am shouting the rather not so famous “help me…help you” but I recognise God doesnot need or require my help to help me neither do I posses any help within myself to help myself so am crying

“Lord help me ….help me help myself for I recognise I have a hardened heart”

Now see times were when I would simply say the devil made me do it,or it’s warfare or it’s the will or rather not the will,little did I know the heart was richly responsible.

A hardened heart is :-
i)insensitive (ii)cold (iii)unfeeling (iv)unyielding
Symptoms of a hardened heart
Inability to understand,perceive,see,hear,think and assess situations and circumstances clearly.
One has become somewhat dull to the senses both spiritual and sensual.

Now am in trouble for the senses that connect me to the world both spiritual and sensual are not working and can’t be trusted.

See I can “feel” by touch,taste,smell and sight.But watch this now even the “sight” am warned not to walk by it,but rather walk by faith.This then leaves me with hearing.For faith Cometh by hearing and hearing by the word of God.

But hear me now am dulled because my heart is hardened I cannot “hear” and now more than ever I need to hear a word from God (himself) and not just the word of God from someone.

They didnot even consider the miracle of the loaves for their hearts had become hardened….all this time seeking and walking with Christ then this happens …..desciples I feel you now.

This is painful for I am lost,blind,deaf and my mind is numb,even worst my spirit is equally troubled.

Lord…help me ….help me help myself for my heart is hardened.

Goodbye my lover am bored……. Hello devil am back!

“So whatever happened to you?”
“Life. Life happened.”-David Nicholls-

Today marks the 6th month that I first wrote my first very post on WordPress and time does fly.Its been a somewhat interesting journey with emotions to reflect.
As much changes much remains the same,to be very honest am I such a different person to the one that put the ink to paper or fingers to keyboard as it were? Truthfully I don’t know.
Have I grown a little bit,yes absolutely,In experience yes,am I better for it?Well…..hmmm.

Now then if I have learnt anything is that the high of chasing the old stuff(which for reference I’d call the devil) just ain’t there anymore or at least is not quiet as exiciting,and my new lover (the new positive stuff I ve come to like and aspire to,,….)is or has just become rather boring,to put it simply.

So it’s a case of goodbye my lover am bored…….hello devil,am back or is it?

See the trouble is such that,one is caught in between steps where the old doesn’t cut it anymore and the new has already begun to get too familiar and it’s loosing it’s taste and it’s becoming all too regular and regular stopped cutting it ages ago.
So am stuck here looking for ways to “feel alive again coz I feel numb”
Days were I could simply find amusement in my own company and engross myself with a good book,or countless hours on the old playstation,take a little trip around but that has lost it’s appeal too.

Even more dangerous is the fact of finding everyone else around me uninteresting,boring,just not interested and am not very good company myself,for which am well aware for I feel irritable.

Is this what life and growing up really means?
Have I become old and grumpy,coz I feel like it now.
Am I becoming that guy who sits on the corner alone with his coffee and tablet/newspaper coz no one can stand him as equally as he can’t stand everyone else?

It’s a nice sunny evening,normally it would be time for a trip up north as Friday tradition would have it but on this occasion it won’t be happening,stuck between steps,am neither this nor that as is the case or as isn’t the case…..

Goodbye my lover am bored…….hello devil am back