Lord help me…help me …help myself for I have a hardened heart

For they considered not the miracle of the loaves: for their heart was hardenedmark 6 v 52-

Often I have wondered how people who walked and witnessed the wonders and miracles performed by Jesus Christ would still be amazed at how he could still walk on water after just feeding 5000 men (excluding women and children),among healing the sick,the blind and water into wine thingy.

Little did I know I was about to get my answer in the most painful way and have to live it.
I like Israelites and Peter boasted.One of them proclaimed “whatever u command us to do we shall do and the other said “I will never leave u Lord never forsake you,oh no…not moi”
The first led to the law of Moses being introduced at Mt Sinai and 3000 of them died the latter denied knowing him 3 times..Did they “eat” their words.
Fast forward 2000 years + later and am eating mine.

See am having a Jerry Maguire moment right now but instead of shouting the infamous “show me the money ” am shouting the rather not so famous “help me…help you” but I recognise God doesnot need or require my help to help me neither do I posses any help within myself to help myself so am crying

“Lord help me ….help me help myself for I recognise I have a hardened heart”

Now see times were when I would simply say the devil made me do it,or it’s warfare or it’s the will or rather not the will,little did I know the heart was richly responsible.

A hardened heart is :-
i)insensitive (ii)cold (iii)unfeeling (iv)unyielding
Symptoms of a hardened heart
Inability to understand,perceive,see,hear,think and assess situations and circumstances clearly.
One has become somewhat dull to the senses both spiritual and sensual.

Now am in trouble for the senses that connect me to the world both spiritual and sensual are not working and can’t be trusted.

See I can “feel” by touch,taste,smell and sight.But watch this now even the “sight” am warned not to walk by it,but rather walk by faith.This then leaves me with hearing.For faith Cometh by hearing and hearing by the word of God.

But hear me now am dulled because my heart is hardened I cannot “hear” and now more than ever I need to hear a word from God (himself) and not just the word of God from someone.

They didnot even consider the miracle of the loaves for their hearts had become hardened….all this time seeking and walking with Christ then this happens …..desciples I feel you now.

This is painful for I am lost,blind,deaf and my mind is numb,even worst my spirit is equally troubled.

Lord…help me ….help me help myself for my heart is hardened.

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11 thoughts on “Lord help me…help me …help myself for I have a hardened heart

  1. yes God hears and understands, but when we believe that life is eternal then one day we will be with those that have gone on before us. but while we are here God teaches us what we need to know so we can help others in the future when we are ready to do so.

  2. Hey friend…

    This is in response to your private message and can be private too. I am so sorry to hear about your losses!! It is such a hard thing, but I know even harder still when you have never had any children at all. There are no words I can say that will etch away the pain. I can only say, I know the pain of dreaming about a child that never comes home to live with you. In fact, I thought we were having twins the whole time this past pregnancy too (even though we weren’t), but I thought for sure, maybe one baby would survive. I was in serious denial.

    You’re so right, things just can’t fill the void of a person. For me, I hope that one day we can adopt and or have another natural child. But, if that never happens, I know we have a baby growing up In the kingsom of the most high where we will get to see her for the first time one day.

    Anyway, even children cannot fill voids within marriages/relationships. It does hurt sometimes to be in one that you feel is going nowhere or growing apart. But, often that is the eb and flow of life. Idk if you ever read my post “my deepest darkest secret” but that post is about my finding out I was pregnant at 15 contemplating abortion. My husband who was my bf at the time said he was ok with whatever I chose bc it was my body. After I told him I couldn’t go through with the abortion, he told me that he would never have been able to stay in a relationship w me had I “terminated” the pregnancy. That’s the exact same way I felt ab him. For some reason, the loss of a child can shake a relationship like nothing else.

    Some people may say, try to see what God is trying to teach you through this. But, I just don’t think God is that cruel. I believe we can always learn something from any situation, but I don’t think God allows death in order to “teach” us anything. Sorry this is so long. If you want to chat some more, feel free to email me at julielosch@yahoo.com

    • I dnt think that either I knw the pain and when I saw ur post I recognised the feeling,just wanted u to know that the men feel it too,as much as the woman does.we cover we cry in secret and never get healed
      I knw am not
      After hearing her cries
      After hearings my babies cry
      Who then hears my cries
      ??????
      Does God?
      Who then understands my pain!

  3. I always wondered after the red sea thing happened how they could turn around an make a golden Idol? Now after I have lived a little, its no longer hard to figure out. Thank you God for your mercy, grace, and patience. Great post! Just remember – faint not!

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