HALT …hungry angry lonely tired

Watch you don’t get too hungry,angry lonely tired p
AA

This one is a popular saying supposedly in recovery where one has to watch out for these symptoms otherwise a relapse is bound to occur.
It is interesting then that in our lives although we may not be addicts to a chemical substance we are all addicted to some form of substance.

One individual put it this way

you can not find a chemical solution for a spiritual problem

It would all then suggest to me that in order to fix any part of one’s life,one must first deal with one’s spirit.
I also quiet like to see it this way;relapse would easily be defined as going back to that which gives us comfort and use that substance which gives us comfort to battle whatever discomfort we are going through at the time.

Therefore it would seem to me that we are all a bunch of addicts just different flavours,difference outlets points,blowing off steam as it were,some use yoga,others therapist,some hit the club,others fast cars,shoe shopping,religion,……………..(fill in the blank as appropriate.)

In any case hungry,angry,lonely,tired seems appropiate.
But then question comes to mind

What do you do if you are so hungry in your spirit that there nothing to feed it and drive it,don’t know your purpose/calling/duty/task/assignment just yet?Coz hunger in the physical can be quenched with food but what do you do when you hunger for more than food and drink?

What do you do when you are so angry at life and yourself and everything else around you,that your own spirit is .,Angry because your expectations don’t match your experiences,that the promises don’t live up to problems faced.

What do you of when your loneliness is beyond that which the woman at the well suffered?

Now see this woman married 5 times,now living with a boyfriend or whatever,we all sit in judgement.

But I see her differently,only coz I sat at the well once in my life,lonely,sorrounded with people,loved ones and felt so alone.(funny how earlier I lived alone in a strange country at 22 and never felt lonely) but now am ……older,wiser,more accomplished,mature and yet………….I have everything I ever wanted but yet…..I still feel alone.

It is this solitude that I talk about,the one that your spouse,mummy or daddy can’t fix,cousin Ed tried so did nephew Lisa but still it won’t work
I need that belly of living waters.


See being alone and being lonely are too very different things

Anywhoo

Tired
Physical fatigue we can all handle with rest,get a massage,soak,
But what do u do when you are mentally exhausted?
it’s your mind now

when u get tired of being sick and tired

Tired like Elijah in the cave tired,tired like Moses to point of hitting the rock,tired like Jonah to the point of not going to Nineveh,tired like Paul to ask for the thorn to be removed,…3 times.
Tired like Jesus in garden when he begs

lLet this cup pass me by

Nevertheless your will ABBA FATHER

And as we stand never let us be too:-

Hungry angry lonely tired

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The bigger they are…….the harder

Am I a dog, that thou comest to me with staves?Goliath
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Seeing the last couple of days I just wonder why we rebel to satisfy the flesh.

Notice then this giant who has never lost a battle,he has no idea what the word lose means,he is a seasoned warrior well versed in the art of war.Much like my self a seasoned warrior of the word,and I should, no, I must be able to stand against any attack and temptation that the adversary throws my way.

But the accuser of the brethren knows me more than I know me,he is somehow able to exploit that very weakness that I have been trying to bury for the longest of time.

And I know there is the spirit man inside screaming so loud to just
stop

When did it come to this why do I do that which I don’t want to do and that which I want to do I do not.

Not only have my decision made me let myself down,above all else I have left HIM down and not to mention her and them.

Oh I need some help here.

Was I too arrogant?
Was I too overly optimistic?
Was I too careless?

Did I not heed the warning?
Did I think the old me had disappeared?

Neither give place to the devil. Eph 4 v 27

We are warned clearly to steer away from giving foothold, but somehow we still do.When are we to learn?

How is it that a season saint (or maybe not so seasoned,as it stands) would go into battle without his armour on?
Have we become Goliaths in our arrogance that we ask if were dogs?

Even David himself knew better,he would rather be chastised by God himself.And he is the one that brought down the giant. When are we to learn?

Heavenly Father I dropped the ball here,
And I ain’t sure how to get out of this one,the guilt and the shame of it all.
Where does one even begin?
But I know what I need to do here,at least I should,run back home to him.

I just wonder how many Goliaths are out there?
How many of us drop the ball just by simply underestimating the challenges we face?
Ignoring the simple problems till they eat away to the very core.

Someone once said the important bit is to get up again after a fall,that the defeat is in staying down.

Someone dear to me just sent this
“I always think that no matter hw big the situation may seem it can still be defeated and great is our victory bcoz the great one lives in US and we shall conquer the world…” – that was needed today.

Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world. 1 John 4 v 4

Ah!! Yes

The bigger they are…….. the harder

Thou shall not worship iphone

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It was the first day of 2014, in a crowded  family room and one the wisemen in my family asked the screaming young ones in an effort to settle them down,that if they collectively name the 10 commandments they would get a treat. It was then that my 5 yr old cousin went “you shall not worship iphone.” We all paused then burst out laughing,obviously confused he went  “yes! mommy told me”.

This on the drive back home got me thinking about  idols in general.

They say home is where the wi-fi connects,thus if you enter any household and the wi-fi connects you are in fact home.This then means that where you get home and the shopping is put down then afterwards its settling down time when everyone gathers in the living room for a little family time.The TV comes on and after a few minutes you notice no one is fighting over the remote or on what to watch and it is in fact 4 or more of you present. Curious because the TV is as much 3D as it is Smart  and  measuring at about 51 inches,it should be an attractive notion to look at,I am thinking.

Now this is odd to me because growing up there would always be a fight for the old  TV,one wants to watch Michael Jackson on the VHS,the other wants to play a game on the Sega,but its news time etc etc.

Upon further inspection you realise you are on your smart phone and your other half on hers/his.The other 2 are equally as engaged in their own activities one is their on handheld games console and the other ones are just as busy on the several tablet in the household (naturally).The TV is just  there  purely to guide you where the furniture points towards.Perhaps a little background noise with all these +boxes,+decoders,recordable gadgets no one really watches TV like before,at least I don’t.

Looking at my phone and seeing how much time I spend on it was an eye opener,though I don’t worship my phone per se, it got me thinking about how Israel was taking God’s gifts given to them and using the very same blessings to worship other gods with.

I refer to the time they melted all the jewellery they had and made a golden calf out of that.(I find it interesting that the very first tablet was broken at this point, remember Moses threw the tablets in anger and they broke, hidden message perhaps?I don’t know.) Now don’t go getting excited throwing  all your  gadgets around now breaking everything in sight, now that would just be silly,and I am not saying they are evil either.People do evil,Gadgets ………not so much.

 

 

 IDOLATRY:

 In theology it is the worship of idols, In general others define it as great devotion, reverence or excessive admiration.
 
I wonder just by solely on the definitions above, what is your idol?
To some of us its our other half,to others its our jobs,others its money,others its our car,others their kids,or is it that rock/rap/pop star(bieber anybody?),a single malt,jimmy choos,could be that PS4 that’s causing all the fights already coz you up till 6am,could be the girl in the next office cubicle,or the Starbucks guy that got you buying Cappuccinos and you don’t even drink coffee.
So what is your idol?
 to quote Joshoua 24v15 As for me and my house we will serve the lord. So I say to you all
                      thou shall not worship iphone (lol).
 
 
 
 
 
Disclaimer:I used the iphone, Playstation for illustrative purposes only and because I  do own and use such  said products  while I  personally see them to be superior products than their  rival counter parts, this is just a personal view only and is not meant to be taken as a form of advert/promotion of said products.Neither do I deem such products as EVIL or  of any  such influence.Definitely not a pair of shoes and certainly not Justin B :).
               Happy 2014  to you all,its gonna be a great year.
Disclaimer
      

What do you do when the other half doesn’t get the memo?

THEY SAY A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS
Please observe the images below as a man regardless of his status in the world talks to another woman a little too much while the other half is present.
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Yes,yes she gets “the look” (middle picture) and the man changes seats.
I find it very interesting that regardless of who we are in the world,we all are faced with similar issues and if any men are out there you know once that she has “that look” oh!! you better change seats and shut your mouth and even though you live in the white house soon as you get home you in the dog house.

On a my last post I had great insights that raised more questions that it answered but nonetheless a few were answered and revelation was brought.

ITS NOT ABOUT YOU ALL YOU CAN IS LOVE.ITS NOT ABOUT YOU BUT ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON.ITS NOT ABOUT WHAT YOU CAN GET OUT OF IT BUT RATHER WHAT YOU CAN PUT INTO IT.

Now all these are noble statements ones that I have churned myself and heard and admired.Nobility,.. yes,yes to be noble.

Then further into my quest in the cyberworld I came across this:
“WHEN SOMEONE MAKES YOU SUFFER IT IS BECAUSE THEY TOO SUFFER DEEPLY WITHIN THEMSELVES AND THEIR SUFFERING IS SPILLING OVER.THEY DO NOT NEED PUNISHING,THEY NEED HELP THIS IS THE MESSAGE THEY ARE SENDING”

Now here, if I am in this situation this then puts me in a position open to abuse and toxicity,for I cannot truly stand in this commotion and not be scaved somehow.Sooner or later I will get marked and my attempts to diffuse the negativity with positivity are more likely to be taken advantage of and mistaken for stupidity and weakness birthing the results of more sufferings on my part,consequently the message I am trying to send has been lost in translation and misconstrued completely.
Funny how easily this happens I am sure most of us have been guilty of this countless times.

I then realise the primary source of our confusion is we send the message hoping the other half will understand and extrapolate the contents of the message there sent and though it may not be in written form,the fact that we have a bond and a relationship it is then a form of communication that by any rights is legally,emotionally, verbally and gesticulatory binding, yes, yes, hence a memo of sorts.

Now what do you do then when the other half doesn’t get the memo?
For years you have been pouring out, giving your all,sacrificing,being there, supporting,understanding and now you are tired,the easy is answer is hang in there but you are tired of hanging in and on,sick and tired of being sick and tired.And your problems got problems of their own.I am hoping a wiser person will come to the rescue here,(not to me personally BTW its all good ATM 😉 of course status of such is subjected to change after this post lol, hope not).
But in all seriousness I wish I could find the answer to this doomer of relationships.
The answer right now is I DONT KNOW hence the question:
WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN THE OTHER HALF DOESN’T GET THE MEMO?

Inspired by the following lovely bloggers in our interactions:

dietrying999.wordpress.com This lady reminds me so much of my elder sister its shocking, inspiring lady.

ecc714.wordpress.com My main man MAO poet at heart God loving warrior.

freedomborn.wordpress.com Lovely&Strong and wise Christian couple from down under Aussie.

justmebeingcurious.com Newcastle supporter but we wont hold that against you.

askinsaneelaine.com Inspiring blog full of life

Get it right the first time round.

On typical cold somewhat gloomy  winter afternoon in the North of England I found myself at a family gathering. Pleasantries are exchanged,and I heard over to the manpit where the fire is along with barbecue stand.

I look around me there is food good conversation going I am surrounded by the 7 wisemen all fairly older than myself relations of some sort and something struck me, I was the only one among them not married……..yet.Why that was significant I have no idea and perhaps its not but nonetheless the thought came to me.

This lead me to something I always wondered,what truly really made their marriages work?They all seemed fairly happy and interacted well with their respective other halves, so me being the questioning kind I thought I’d ask,and the answer I got  somehow shocked me. One of them to me plainly ” GET MARRIED TO SOMEONE YOU GET ALONG WITH AND NOT SOMEONE YOU LOVE” I stood there for a few minutes as they took it in turns churning out advice and to my surprise most of them agreed with this train of thought.

Now this got me thinking.I can attest to ever loving 2 females (I mean the real thing) and I must say the feelings were  too pure and intense I mean you now when you know in fact about 10 years went by before I could the feel that way again  even though I was seeing other people in between,so yeah I  kinda know what love feels like and what it doesn’t.

Now here is the problem,the ones that you do Love you cant get along with.Just cant seem to happen.2 hrs  and you ready to kill eachother.

And yet the ones that,that feeling is missing, it  is just effortless and can hardly remember when your last fight was, of course you do have your occasional little disagreements that’s bound to happen 2 different personalities cannot always agree on stuff,but I am sure you can make a distinctions on the levels of conflict an chaos.

Some things I disproved along the way:

Love conqures all;- no it doesnt.

Love eachother strong enough you will work it out:- no you won’t.

If you Love something let it go and if returns  …Blah blah ….please!!!do me a favour.

All you need is Love …….right right.

 

Now of course this is based purely on observation and some,(and empasis on some experience)which makes me wonder if the wisemen had a point.It was some thing to think about on the long drive down.Normally I wouldn’t take this kind of approach I always had a belief that love will happen when it does but with where I am right now I dont know,what if they were right? Its kind of hard to argue with the facts and history.Or perhaps its something only men will admit to?

I just strongly believe in getting married once,and this is just a personal view,the history I have had, of course,lets just say if I had gotten round to getting married  I would have been divorced at least once or maybe more than once but that is irrelevant its just serving a point that I realise things do go wrong and I am not knocking divorcees.Needless to say my life is a little different now values change and so do aspirations and desires,and when it comes to marriage I just want to get it right the first time around. 

The Last Samurai

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I was only a long train journey today and found myself just staring out the window.For some reason this movie came into my head,strange cause this first in 04 when it came out and the DVD is somewhere in storage.I am an extremely visual and auditory person and this has been rather problematic for those close to me for when I see a movie once or twice I will be reciting most of it,and that can be quite annoying or so I have been told.I don’t mean to do it but it just happens sometimes.

If you missed the movie somehow the plot is basically an American Captain who is haunted by what he has done on the battlefield and as a result he has a drinking problem,a functioning alcoholic of sorts.He is hired to train the Emperor’s soldiers in Japan as they are to fight against the Samurai.He then gets captured by the Samurai and brought back to their village and it is then that his journey starts.

Anyway,going through the movie in my head one scene among many others came to my mind was when Algren (Tom cruise’s character) was in talking to Katsumoto,the head of the samurai clan that had captured him.It went something like this:

Algren: [shouts] What do you want from me?
Katsumoto: What do you want for yourself?

This questions I have asked at times in my life frustrated with not getting any answers,thinking that God is holding me captive somewhere without me knowing what the purpose is.The more I saw the response the more light bulb went in my head.

Later on in the story Algren goes through a detox and was screaming for Sake (a Japanese alcoholic drink) and having nightmares,this was clearly a guy with demons,lets face it we all have a few of those.We see a little later slowly getting to peace with himself spiritually and mentally,he kept a diary, so a fellow blogger he was.He had this to say in it:
” This marks the longest I’ve stayed in one place since I left the farm at 17. There is so much here I will never understand. I’ve never been a church going man, and what I’ve seen on the field of battle has led me to question God’s purpose. But there is indeed something spiritual in this place. And though it may forever be obscure to me, I cannot but be aware of its power. I do know that it is here that I’ve known my first untroubled sleep in many years.”

Later on he writes:
“What does it mean to be Samurai? To devote yourself utterly to a set of moral principles. To seek a stillness of your mind. And to master the way of the sword.”

With each moment I was replacing what he was saying I instead asked “what does it mean to be a Christian?To devote yourself to a set of just morals and values.To renew your mind.And to master the Word of God.”
At this point he is suffering nightmares no more,the addiction is gone,he has finally found a measure of peace.

There are many great scenes and conversations between the two many characters,both learn from each other as evident in another conversation;
Katsumoto: You believe a man can change his destiny?
Algren: I think a man does what he can, until his destiny is revealed.

At this point I am relating more and more that before I was merely doing what I could waiting on the Lord to reveal my destiny and my purpose to me,only I didn’t know it at the time.

The ending sees Algren meeting the Emperor who at this time has a change of heart and he knew Katsumoto who at this point has been killed in battle and I find this exchange interesting:
Emperor: Tell me how he died.
Algren: I will tell you how he lived.

Like most of us the Emperor was interested in the end,but it would seem to me that Algren had opened his eyes so to speak,renewed his mind and saw that its not the end (result) that matters more but the journey.

In our walk through life we have questions,we may be broken,in pain,lonely,lost,angry,confused,bitter,broke,in addiction(and I believe addiction is not the problem in itself there is always an underlying issue,look at the relapse rates trying to cure the addiction and not dealing with what’s causing it but that’s a post in itself in the future) whatever it is,the good news is that like you too can have an ending like Algren,though it maybe a bit hard to find a Samurai clan that will help deal with your issues.You could follow my example and try God,Free of charge and 24/7 365 support,and only one prayer away through Jesus.

Right before the end credits a narration
“As for the American Captain, no one knows what became of him. Some say that he died of his wounds. Others, that he returned to his own country. But I like to think he may have at last found some small measure of peace, that we all seek, and few of us ever find.”

Wow peace we seek but only a few us find.You too can be The Last Samurai.

Fighting an invisible enemy

FOR WE DO NOT WRESTLE AGAINST FRESH AND BLOOD, BUT AGAINST PRINCIPALITIES.

I would like to share a certain revelation I have had during my time away.
You know in life everything that has ever gone wrong or hasn’t gone the way we expected it to or anything that brought a result which was unpalatable,we assign blame to it.Whether be it a loved one,a colleague a boss,our pet,an acquaintance,the car broke down,she did this or he did that,it snowed outside,the train was late or maybe am just I am black 🙂 whatever it may be.Saddest thing most times we blame ourselves badly “or maybe I should’ve done this” or “if only I had done that” ………yada yada yada on on and on.

It is a fact then that as human beings we sort explanations and understanding of why things happen the way they do or why people act the way they do.But instead of trying to understand the person or the circumstance understand the root cause.See this thing is like a disease and you have to run a diagnosis.The signs and Symptoms are there and it is in part; all these people around you acting all crazy and being unreasonable,testing your patience,mistreating you all kinds of things,situations where you cant just get a break,everything is going wrong.
I then realised I have been treating the symptoms and been ignoring the disease.For years I had been taking Aspirin for the fever and the headaches instead of an antibiotic to fend of the infection.No wonder I was never healed. Temporary solutions to permanent problem.

Be vigilant; because your adversary,walketh about,seeking whom he may devour

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No matter what position you hold the undeniable fact is we face struggles and situations we just cant at times understand.Are people just inherently evil? Does “stuff” just happen sometime? Do we reap what we sow?……………….so many questions can be asked but that does not really matter because whatever answers we come up with still will not address the issue,let alone help us in our circumstances and whatever issues we are faced with.
No matter where you go,whichever part of the world/city you may move to ,or no matter the new people you meet with, certain traits of people you no longer associate with (negative traits) will try to manifest in your new created associates.The very things you left behind seem to be popping up again only slightly differently flavoured and in a different colouring.But still the same engine underneath the hood.

My Eureka moment came to me here,I had I wasted so much time and energy focusing on the “people” around me (what they did,how wrong it was etc) and paid too much attention to my “circumstance”.My attention had been divided and I was getting conquered indeed.One of the oldest battle strategy.

You have to stop fighting people and holding grudges let it all go,accept the fact that people will violate your values and no matter how distasteful that may be its just a fact of life,and also recognise that your “values” are your own and not everybody will honour them just because you do.

Focus on the bigger picture.
The people around you are not the real true enemy no matter what has transpired (especially if its bad).People in your life are mere conduits brought about to either aid or thwart your destiny,you just have to figure out which and it gets clearer with each passing moment and times its clear from the beginning.Henceforth pick the fights cleverly and with wisdom,leave negative emotions like hatred,bitterness,blame,regret, behind they just weight you down. The signs&symptoms (ie people+situations,the bad decisions,bad luck,the wrongs and results thereof) don’t matter.THEY DO NOT MATTER.Waste no time fighting and worrying about these.Cure the disease not the symptom.

In the Journey that is life we will get sick several times,how will you go through yours?
Will it be with a myriad of untreated ailments?Or will you stop along the way getting healed as you go by.

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Be smart when faced with the odds

in war the victorious strategist only seeks battle after the victory has been won, whereas he who is destined to defeat first fights and afterwards looks for victory.Sun Tzu

So dont just fight the good fight but pick the good fight which you will fight Especially when:
FIGHTING AN INVISIBLE ENEMY

As it Stands

They say it is always darkest before the dawn.

Light always cancels out the dark.

Good will eventually  prevail over evil.

That the race is always harder before the finish line.

The storm being more violent just before it passes.

But what do you do when you have cried and prayed and grumbled and still the struggle goes on?

You have withered the storm but that brief rest was just the Eye and now you have to go through more thunderstorms,You have been racing for years and still no finish line,all the goodness just does not seem to be winning over the evil ones and the light?well lets just say you are the proverbial owl.

What do you do then?