Too scared to pray

FEAR:- False Evidence Appearing Rear”-some wise guy-

Today it happened,I was Too scared to pray perhaps I am just tired of all these attacks and mishappenings or perhaps it’s just that every-time I get into prayer deeply then the devil shows up.

Curious then that during my wild days of partying,poker,brandy and cigars it all worked out.

One drove home drunk as a skunk and never once scratched his M3 or the powerful 420d

In any case it would seem that the minute I changed allegiances,afflictions followed.

Now am not scared just tired,see when u operate in your calling opposition comes but then so does provision.I just wonder now considering what I ve gone through,I see a way out, but then it’s not

Not the way The Lord has made,…No this is ME Limbiley.

See Jacob sceemed lied and got his own way ….he was a schemer,a con artist, he could lie, ” sounds like all men I know”

I too wrested with angels
I too painted the herd striped spotted
I too have been there,so I am Jacob

Besides if I had a hairy brother who would sell me his birthright for soup…..then u knw……

In any case I fear praying coz the bad has happened in the last few years just after I prayed,

Coz evil manifests better and quicker than the good and the holy,

So now am too scared to pray

Yet in my heart am still a Schemer and I ll negotiate myself out of this calamity coz all I know to do is this “survive or die”

So I will ……but now, I will won’t Die,and I won’t be scared,coz I change my mind.
Since I must live ….I will live and when I do live….

I will pray

And I ain’t

Too scared to pray anymore

And when I get up you gonna wish u killed me when u had the chance devil.

Coz now

I ain’t :-

Too scared to pray

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Faith,foolishness or presumption?

Are you acting in faith,foolishness or presumption?Apostle Fredrick K C Price-

I remember reading this rather engrossing book which had practical teaching on walking with God,this was a while ago and for some reason a few days back I found myself with yet more questions but only this time they reflected what I had read in this book.

It then dawned on me that perhaps I too needed to ask myself if I was practical enough in my approach to God.Now hear me properly I realise the fact that this walk isn’t meant to be practical but let’s also recognise the importance of right believing.

Often we get discouraged and disappointed when things do not go our way but of course this a natural human reaction.Looking deeper into this condition of discouragement and disappointment I have found that mostly we get here because of our source of belief.
Stay with me now.
If your source of belief is incorrect to begin with then obviously your end result( the thing you are hoping for/wish to transpire) will not be that which u want (incorrect).

The question then becomes what is your source of belief because your source of belief will influence your belief system which will in turn will shape into and become what you believe in which in turn will be the basis/base of either your disappointment and discouragement or your gratification and encouragement.

Now we can further then expand and ask,that what are your beliefs or believe system based on? Is it :-

Faith,foolishness or presumption?

I then measure myself because before I knew God and Jesus I was doing some questionable immoral down right dirty shameful corrupt things.Often people would ask how I could live with myself and I just replied iconically “with 2 girlfriends and a dog,how you living?”……………that was a joke!
But on a serious note in situation like this if someone who gave up this kind of lifestyle to follow God and his word and Jesus’s promise of abundant life he or she will indeed have an expectation.
When I read the Old Testament it’s full of promises and revelation and it all came to pass.Jesus was revealed from the old into the New Testament to the point that he conquered death ai ai ai!!!So I know that his word is true!
And I know he promised me the best.

The struggle then becomes when my expectations are not met,this where the revelatory moment came to me in form of a question as thus;“are you believing and operating in”:-

Faith,foolishness or presumption?

In an illustration of the power of expectation: any man who has met a lady,you start calling her on Mon,tue,wed thru to Friday and miss sartuday.When you call on Sunday I can guarantee you half if not three quarters of the conversation will be about you explaining why you didn’t call her on sartuday.
If after 5 days she has an expectation from you,what more me? One who has been waiting 5 weeks/5 months/5 years………….oh help me lord.

Faith
The substance of things hoped for the evidence of things not seen.Blessings Released to us by the grace of God are thus: according to his will and purpose in our lives for the glorification of his name and restoration of the kingdom.

Foolishness

(i)Lacking or exhibiting a lack of good sense or judgment; silly: foolish remarks(ii)Resulting from stupidity or misinformation; unwise: a foolish decision(iii)Arousing laughter; absurd or ridiculous: a foolish grin.
(iv)Immoderate or stubborn; unreasonable: foolish pride; foolish love(v)Embarrassed,Insignificant; trivial.

Presumption
(i)an idea that is taken to be true on the basis of probability(ii)the acceptance of something as true although it is not known for certain(iii)audacious (even arrogant) behavior that you have no right to.

For me on the basis on what you are operating on and belief system you fall into measures your disappointment&discouragement or your encouragement&gratification.

So on this day are you in

Faith,foolishness or presumption?

you can’t handle the truth……….its double jeopardy

Love the sinner hate the sin -Christians-

Yes Sin,oh the struggles with sin and sinfulness,sin conciousness,the conviction and condemnation.Often I have heard it from veteran Christians,  it was clear to me that their understanding was quite flawed in their interpretation.Not so much to the statement but what followed after.

This left me with more guilt and condemnation,the last thing I wanted to do was pray.Curious because those that preached this to me seemed to suffer from the very same syndrome.OH this sin thing has kept Christians in bondage for ages.

My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge: because thou hast rejected knowledge, I will also reject thee, that thou shalt be no priest to me: seeing thou hast forgotten the law of thy God, I will also forget thy children.-Hosea 4 v 6

Not only will your ignorance cause you harm ,you face the danger of rejecting the true message (by your lack of knowledge) and in your misunderstanding you will also discourage and deceive others.My my my if only Jesus saw you now in the flesh “Christians” How long would he suffer ye?

 

The bible being the mind of God in print,I consulted it.But furthermore I prayed for grace,wisdom and revelation, that in my getting such wisdom I also get understanding.

In my getting,in his sovereignty he brought me to a court room,at first I was confused.Then I recalled a movie I saw once. A few good men, quickly I recalled the  double jeopardy rule (no connection yet).These were to tie in beautifully for me later on in the day.

Stay with me now….For I cant truly do this piece justice until we address the core and that’s sin.

 

Sin

For the interest of space and time look it up if you don’t know what it is.

Effects of sin

-Loss of (but not limited to): (i) Relationships (ii)loss of fellowship with God (iii)ministry/titles/position (iv)loss of rewards etc.

-Sin is harmful to others

But above all else Sin dishonours God.

Perhaps this the most important of all. The person  I honour the most on earth is my Dad,this stops me from doing certain things because I know some of my decisions, my faults and failings will be a reflection of my father and of how he raised me.The man I have become is a reflection of the man who he was in my life when I was growing up.

The notion of honour is widely understood throughout different cultures too.Take the American Marine Corps their motto is semper fi ( Fidelis) latin for “always faithful/always loyal”.Ancient Japanese warriors the samurai would commit seppuku a ritual suicide (sticking a sword through the belly) which would satisfy their bushido (a code of honour) rather than face punishment, humiliation and defeat would rather die.In star trek there is an alien warrior race called the klingons and these are vicious battle minded race  who consider dying in battle an honour and an old  aged klingon is at times flowed upon.”perhaps today is a good day to die” wolf. Okay okay too much. But you get the idea how far honour is important.And you as a Christian should rather die than sin but thank God for Jesus we don’t have to die. 

 

The fact is:

You will sin oh yes no matter who you are saved or not you will sin.

It is purely because of  your sinful nature from birth,what matters is what you do from that state of sin that matters.You are in fact in a court room guilty of sin.Lets see how this plays out.

The judge:

God

God is the Judge. (S)He is just and cool. Yes God is cool,  he is therefore then  Justice because  he is Just and cool  as ice = Just+ice = Justice …….anybody?no?……..okay, tough audience whew!

The prosecutor:

Satan 

“And I heard a loud voice saying in heaven, Now is come salvation, and strength, and the kingdom of our God, and the power of his Christ: for the accuser of our brethren is cast down, which accused them before our God day and night”. –Rev 12 v 10

Now this one is relentless,your adversary,the accuser of the brethren you will not bring him down on your own.His track record speaks for itself he brought down Eve with deception in the garden,King David fell victim to lust from bethsheba that caused him to murder an innocent man,oh king Solomon the wisest of them all fell and started worshipping idols and in recent times look at Judas after he finished with him through greed this time,the man hanged himself next through guilt and condemnation . Indeed when he strokes you he is about to strike you.

So be sober minded vigilant you don’t compare.

The defence attorney:

Jesus Christ the advocate

The son of man the captain of my salvation the kinsman redeemer, my lord, my saviour, oh I could go on all day, the scroll opener,the son of righteousness.

It is undisputed Jesus died on the cross for us,for our sins and he rose up from hell conquering death:

Who is he that condemneth? It is Christ that died, yea rather, that is risen again, who is even at the right hand of God, who also maketh intercession for us. Rom 8 v 34-

Who better to defend you than he who paid for the very crime that you are being charged with?He has done the time for you already the punishment paid in full,why are you even in court?Formalities the law has to be followed, God is just and respects principles you will have due process but still the process must ran.

This is why you need you some Jesus.

  

 

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In the movie  a few good men Tom cruise went hard on Jack Nicholson’s character just like the enemy will accuse Christians,(and sometimes misinformed Christians towards eachother and unbelievers/backsliders) you need to be bold in you answer and tell him ” you can’t handle the truth!!” earlier on in the movie he told Tom cruise’s character how he was so bad,dangerous and unafraid of him. He said:

“I eat breakfast 300 yards from 4000 Cubans, who are trained to kill me, so don’t think for one second that you can come down here, flash your badge and make me nervous.”

You should tell the devil:

“I make my coffee every morning,eat cereals and porridge oats with my cup of tea along side Jesus in my kitchen.The shower I am in is guarded by angels so don’t think you can come in here with your demons and make me nervous” 

But you need you some Jesus,that alone without Jesus wont be enough,they can’t convict you or condemn you with something that Jesus already paid for. That’s double jeopardy.

God is just he wont allow that.To those that struggle with sin conciousness the very plague even in the church, no, the very plague especially in the church ,do me a favour confess, repent and get on with your life walking with God.Guilt and condemnation are not from God.

Confession (n) is to simply agree with,to admit,to acknowledge,be of the same mindset,

For continued fellowship (walking intimately with God by active faith) sin is to be removed by God through confession. Then you are forgiven.

Note however this is not a license to sin 

So shall we then continue to sin ?

“What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase?By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?” -Rom 6 v 1-2- 

The point of repentance is that you highlight  the wrong doing in an effort not to continue doing it and this is why this is important:

Dangers of continued sinning ; (i) treats sins lightly and ignores its evil destructive potential and consequences both on God’s glory and our fellow man (ii) ignores God’s primary plan for us to transform us into Christ like image (iii)It ignores and forgets God’s discipline (iv) misses the whole point of confession which is confess to identify and stop the sin.

 

And if anyone or anything including yourself tells you otherwise here is the answer you should have…

you can’t handle the truth……………….its double jeopardy.

The “real” Christmas Day the 26th

Now that that’s over with;
The fake people, fake affections, polite conversations, it all starts to creep back up and real life begins to return but it really won’t hit till early January.

A fellow blogger pointed out something about Xmas that reflected my feelings completely,how she put it again? oh yeah “cruella deville all year long and want to smile at Xmas”. All this stuff  about its a special time of year that we show our loved ones that we truly care and appreciate them makes me sick.Question comes to mind then that isn’t this something we should be doing all year round anyway?

I mean I don’t need a special day to prove to my loved ones that I care about them and fellas if you are using this day to show how much you care for your ladies/family then something is wrong there as it is equally for the ladies who put a spread and look after everyone for this day alone then after the presents and dinner is done its back to you now who,to the family members that will go back to ignoring each other all year round till yeah ……..you guessed it,next Xmas.

Now I do believe periods like this and birthdays, anniversaries should not go unmarked and uncelebrated,it just has to be for the right reasons.We live in a society today where everyone is looking for an excuse to either party or celebrate something to justify spending money.

We have an office party,hair,nails,dress,new tux,refit the kitchen.

My cat made a friend gonna throw a do invite the neighbourhood.You get the idea ridiculous stuff.

Clearly Christmas has lost its true meaning a long time ago,I mean its all about people rushing in bad moods in shopping, family members getting  together exchanging presents,eating,drinking and that’s it really. I do  however take advantage of today,its a day for me that sales are on and I see it as my real Christmas day,and it has a been a tradition of mine to go out spending and get whatever I want as long as I can get a good deal then why not?

Its a relief,you should be able to just get out there at  any time of the year and get what you want if you can afford it of course,same goes for showing love for one another,why wait for a “special day” these are things that should be done everyday,anyway.

Makes me loathe Christmas day  for what society  has made it  become and what it represents,the way it changes people really evil on the days before (especially in rushed last minutes shopping cause you just cant turn up without a present now can you?) and extremely pleasant on the day then,well back again yo yoing around,I can’t stand that and people like that.

Where are all the real people gone to these days?

So today I go forth and keep the tradition going to get something ridiculously priced just coz I can,no excuses,no pressure as today is my “real Christmas day the 26th”

Suppose I am alone in this.I wonder what other’s do today besides fight and be depressed ,or return the kid(s).It can be a sad time of year.

The Last Samurai

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I was only a long train journey today and found myself just staring out the window.For some reason this movie came into my head,strange cause this first in 04 when it came out and the DVD is somewhere in storage.I am an extremely visual and auditory person and this has been rather problematic for those close to me for when I see a movie once or twice I will be reciting most of it,and that can be quite annoying or so I have been told.I don’t mean to do it but it just happens sometimes.

If you missed the movie somehow the plot is basically an American Captain who is haunted by what he has done on the battlefield and as a result he has a drinking problem,a functioning alcoholic of sorts.He is hired to train the Emperor’s soldiers in Japan as they are to fight against the Samurai.He then gets captured by the Samurai and brought back to their village and it is then that his journey starts.

Anyway,going through the movie in my head one scene among many others came to my mind was when Algren (Tom cruise’s character) was in talking to Katsumoto,the head of the samurai clan that had captured him.It went something like this:

Algren: [shouts] What do you want from me?
Katsumoto: What do you want for yourself?

This questions I have asked at times in my life frustrated with not getting any answers,thinking that God is holding me captive somewhere without me knowing what the purpose is.The more I saw the response the more light bulb went in my head.

Later on in the story Algren goes through a detox and was screaming for Sake (a Japanese alcoholic drink) and having nightmares,this was clearly a guy with demons,lets face it we all have a few of those.We see a little later slowly getting to peace with himself spiritually and mentally,he kept a diary, so a fellow blogger he was.He had this to say in it:
” This marks the longest I’ve stayed in one place since I left the farm at 17. There is so much here I will never understand. I’ve never been a church going man, and what I’ve seen on the field of battle has led me to question God’s purpose. But there is indeed something spiritual in this place. And though it may forever be obscure to me, I cannot but be aware of its power. I do know that it is here that I’ve known my first untroubled sleep in many years.”

Later on he writes:
“What does it mean to be Samurai? To devote yourself utterly to a set of moral principles. To seek a stillness of your mind. And to master the way of the sword.”

With each moment I was replacing what he was saying I instead asked “what does it mean to be a Christian?To devote yourself to a set of just morals and values.To renew your mind.And to master the Word of God.”
At this point he is suffering nightmares no more,the addiction is gone,he has finally found a measure of peace.

There are many great scenes and conversations between the two many characters,both learn from each other as evident in another conversation;
Katsumoto: You believe a man can change his destiny?
Algren: I think a man does what he can, until his destiny is revealed.

At this point I am relating more and more that before I was merely doing what I could waiting on the Lord to reveal my destiny and my purpose to me,only I didn’t know it at the time.

The ending sees Algren meeting the Emperor who at this time has a change of heart and he knew Katsumoto who at this point has been killed in battle and I find this exchange interesting:
Emperor: Tell me how he died.
Algren: I will tell you how he lived.

Like most of us the Emperor was interested in the end,but it would seem to me that Algren had opened his eyes so to speak,renewed his mind and saw that its not the end (result) that matters more but the journey.

In our walk through life we have questions,we may be broken,in pain,lonely,lost,angry,confused,bitter,broke,in addiction(and I believe addiction is not the problem in itself there is always an underlying issue,look at the relapse rates trying to cure the addiction and not dealing with what’s causing it but that’s a post in itself in the future) whatever it is,the good news is that like you too can have an ending like Algren,though it maybe a bit hard to find a Samurai clan that will help deal with your issues.You could follow my example and try God,Free of charge and 24/7 365 support,and only one prayer away through Jesus.

Right before the end credits a narration
“As for the American Captain, no one knows what became of him. Some say that he died of his wounds. Others, that he returned to his own country. But I like to think he may have at last found some small measure of peace, that we all seek, and few of us ever find.”

Wow peace we seek but only a few us find.You too can be The Last Samurai.

What do you do when God says no?

In my carnal quest to seek understanding and balance my earthly efforts and that which is given to me supernaturally,I find myself yet again struggling with accepting what looks like is obvious (mind you it just appears obvious) and that which I want/desire to come to pass.
The situiation is such that if this is meant to be the way its meant to be then it shouldn’t be this hard or at least it shouldn’t work against me the way it is.

I find I am comparing myself to one apostole who wanted a thorn removed from his side.I have on several occasions questioned why this thorn is present and what purporse it serves except to annoy and frustrate.I am not asking for diamonds nor am I asking for supernatural powers,I only seek respite so that I can walk,talk,breathe, speak and think like a regular Joe.It would then stand to reason that it is his will that I be at peace or at least I experience a measure of it,and it has to be his will because he knows the plans he has for me for a future and hope,for who among you would when his son asks for a peice of bread you would give him a stone? and if he is for us then who can be against us? …..this all attests to me that my best interests are at his heart.

So then what do you do when it all points to the fact that God is saying no?

I know deep in my heart I should just let God be God,but that does very little to ease and bring understanding to my confused soul,for this circumstance is bringing me turmoil.

So my question remains;

What do you do when God says no?

This one is on God

I have never fully embraced the idea of letting go completely.
I mean the idea of someone running my life while I watch sitting idly by is insane

Define insanity. Insert here ___________.

A Ladybird once told me that insane runs in the family.I said to her ;”wait a minute now,if you know me like you know me then you know that insanity does not run in the family but it strolls around introducing itself whilst it gets to know each member of the family personally.If anything it takes it’s time,it never runs”.

One would then conclude that I have then always been insane anyway,therefore I am in my zone.

So I say this one is on God

For you maybe sitting there mourning the loss of a Job,the house is going too,my marriage is gone,my health ain’t what is used to be and the car is making a noise even the coffee is too hot.You know you got it bad when even your cup of coffee has it in for you.

I then look on the wall and I literally and figuratively see the word restoration.

That then reminds me that if you had a Job once then you will get another one.
If you once bought a house,then you gonna get it back again
If they have left then well ….they weren’t for you coz that which is truly for you wouldn’t leave even if it could,and that which is for you has a supernatural way of finding you.
That noisy car well at least you got a car.
If it’s health I don’t know whether it’s going to be medicine or miracle healing but I just know you gonna get better.
The coffee is still a bit tricky,that may take me a minute to figure out.

No matter what it looks like I know you are going to get it back again,in one form or another.

What do you do when you are broke and broken?
-You place your order and leave the tab to your Father for;

THIS ONE IS ON GOD!!!

What do you do as you wait?

What do I do while I wait?

I will sing and praise,I will worship and I will get into the word and I will fellowship.I saw this today “faith makes things possible not easy” Yes.. Yes. We got Salvation through Faith and it was given to us by his Grace Eph 2 v 8.

Grace being a gift is given, and it is that same Grace that should see me through; for his grace is sufficient and his power is made perfect in weakness,it then stands to reason that when I am weak I am strong.But my destination is not the problem for I know where I am going and I can foresee my promise coming to fruition because Jesus said it is finished.It is not so much my unbelief or that I am allowing my circumstance to dictate my feelings and thoughts or that my faith is shaken,it is more that this is what I am in right now as I wait:

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What do you do when you are in this as you wait?

My concern is what condition am I going to be in when I arrive at my destination of promise.

What bruises and scars will remain from the journey?

What  were the lessons learned along the way and what will stick?

Lord I know You and I know your Word But what do I do?I am armed with all this knowledge about this situation,But yet here I am again.I trust in you,I believe and yet I feel the way I am feeling now.

So what do I do as I wait?……………